by Ruth Anne Boulet
When did Steven Tyler become such a wuss? Ryan asks him the simple question of ‘who was better, the girls or the guys?’ Steven can’t say. Jennifer can’t say. Randy can’t say. WOULD SOMEONE HAVE SOME FREAKIN’ COJONES AND GIVE AN OPINION? It’s not like you’d crush either the girls or guys if you simply say that one overall was better than the other. If a contestant is crushed by that level of rejection, the music industry will put them through the mill. They would be better off kicked off Idol now and not go through that torture.
When we’re 20 minutes into the show & FINALLY getting around to axing someone, Scotty & Robbie get pulled up into the Seacrest Circle of Terror. All of the lights are red. OOooohhh drama! There’s a lot of ‘fulfilling dreams’ and ‘being true to yourself’ platitudes. After many pauses we learn that Scotty is the first to go in the top 10. Ok kid — you better bring it next week. Robbie is not in the top 10 and is sent to the stools of shame.
Clint, Jordan and Jovany are then brought up. Clint looks like he’s going to hyperventilate and/or vomit. Jordan wishes he had picked a different song. Jovany states the obvious that he wants to stay. None of them have made it, but Ryan teases Jovany. Clint seems devastated. If Jovany hadn’t been so shocked he might’ve punched Ryan. Jordan doesn’t seem surprised.
So we’ve cut 4 guys so far, and we’re 40 minutes into this puppy, now it’s the girls turn. First Pia and Lauren Alaina are pulled up. Ryan asks about their ‘journeys.’ Kelly Clarkson apparently Tweeted that Lauren reminded her of Kelly Pickler. Lauren is in. Pia is also in. Ryan tells us that it’s getting good.
Ta-Tynisa and Julie Zorrilla are then brought up center stage. Steven thinks it’s beautiful that Julie recognized that she shouldn’t have done that song. Can we get through one episode without Steven saying beautiful? Ta-Tynisa is out and Julie is also out.
Two girls are now out. Two girls, four guys and we’re halfway through the 2 hour results show. Ryan wastes no time & pulls Kendra, Ashthon and Karen to center stage. Ashthon is out. Karen is in, which means Kendra is also out.
Now Jacob, Casey and Tim are brought center stage. Ryan asks Casey what it’s like to have an international sex symbol call him sexy. His reply? Sexy. That’s awesome. This guy has to stay around. Jacob is put out of his misery first. He’s in. Next in is Casey. Whoo hoo! Yukon Cornelius is in!
Naima, Thia and Lauren Turner are then brought center stage. Man, this is going faster than I thought it would. I have a feeling we’re going to slow to a crawl any minute now. Only one of these girls is in. Naima is not in. Boo! Thia is in the top 10. Lauren Turner is out as well.
Next up is Brett and Paul, or the wacky movers club. Paul is in, Brett is out.
And now things slow to a crawl as we’ve got one guy & one girl left to put in the top 10. Haley & Rachel are the last two girls left. Haley is in; Rachel is out. Way to pick mediocrity America!
Stefano and James are the last two guys called up and they’ve been roommates since Hollywood Week. Awwwww. James is in; Stefano is out.
And we’re on to the wild card portion of the competition! Judges are going to select who gets to sing and they’ll pick their selections tonight. Jennifer tells us that 6 people are going to get to perform tonight, even split between the boys & girls. Randy announces Ashthon as the first choice. She’s going to sing ‘And I’m Not Telling You.’ She sings it like a threat and almost never looks at the camera. I know it doesn’t matter what we at home do now, but could you at least give us a casual glance? The judges comments are totally useless. Not sure why they’re bothering wasting time with this.
Jennifer picks Stefano to sing next. He’s singing ‘I Need You Now.’ I was initially afraid ’cause I was thinking of the ‘More Than Words Can Say’ treacle. I wish I had heard this song before. He does better than he did last night but I don’t think I want to hear a whole concert of him. Again the judges say things that don’t matter. Steven said he gilded the lily of his own passion. Thank you Paula.
Steven selects Kendra next. Crap. That means both Naima and Rachel won’t get a chance. Poo. Kendra sings ‘Georgia On My Mind.’ Her start was a little off to me and she adds in a bunch of ‘yeah, yeahs’ that are totally unnecessary. We’re running late so we cut the crap & don’t let all the judges talk.
Jennifer calls Jovanny. He’s singing some song that’s to the one he loved & got him through, blah, blah, blah. He pulls out the Spanish card. Please JLo! Love me! I’m singing in Spanish! JLo says he did all he could do. Well that’s noncommittal.
Yay! Steven calls Naima as the last girl! Man, America, you really screwed up with Rachel. But thank you for not falling for the really cute Julie. Naima is singing ‘For All We Know’ by Donnie Hathaway. She’s nervous & starts off a bit shaky. She pulls it together but breaks down at the end.
The last shot for survival goes to Robbie. Are you kidding me? Not Brett? Not even Clint? Wow, what a disappointing choice. Seems like a nice kid & all but I don’t need another earnest teenager singing ballads at me. He’s selected — surprise — a ballad! Elton John’s ‘Sorry Seems To Be The Hardest Word.’ If he’s going to sing songs about difficult words & sadness every week I don’t want to hear it. Randy declares this the toughest night ever.
Ryan brings all of the wild card contestants out as we go to commercial break. When we come back from commercial break the judges still aren’t done, so we get to see JLo’s new video. The judges are ready now but we’ll go to another commercial break instead! Randy says the first pick is Ashthon. She seems sweet. I just want her to pick different songs. The second selection is Stefano. James is happy he’s got his roomie back. One more choice to go. Steven tells us that final person is Naima! Whooo hooo! Kendra, Robbie and Jovany are summarily dismissed.
And we’re done! Next week we start the for-realsies competition as we march on the way to finding out who will be the next American Idol.