by Ruth Anne Boulet
Ok, so Idol didn’t really apologize for Steven. Steven Tyler almost saying swear words is now what people tune into Idol for. That and listen to Steven Tyler hit on underage girls.
This is also the season of weepy people getting through to Hollywood just because they’re weepy. Seventeen year old Holly gets a second chance to sing because she gets a crying jag. She can’t even make it through her second song without getting emotional. Hollywood is going to chew her up & spit her out. Steven is not shown hitting on her, thankfully.
Tonight’s auditions are in Austin, Texas which means we get the stereotypical package of cowboys. Many of them are horrible, including one that’s 100% heterosexual. The cowboy package end with a ‘good’ contestant — he’s a cowboy! His mom has cancer! His name is John Wayne Schultz! He is the triple threat! His dad wanted a rough & tumble boy. Ryan quips that he wouldn’t have been the son John Wayne’s dad was looking for. John Wayne’s dad tells Ryan ‘you wouldn’t have turned out that way if you were my son.’
And what way is that, John Wayne’s dad? Really, really rich? Softy Ryan could buy your entire farm of cattle, dad. John Wayne does not cry, of course. John Wayne’s mom does cry, though. And Ryan injures himself on John Wayne’s dad’s belt buckle. Do a hot paraffin treatment, Ryan and man up.
Courtney can cluck like a chicken and thinks Ryan Seacrest is the sexiest man alive. She’s 17. She does a pretty good sad face to psyche out her family. She’s through to Hollywood. We then get a slew of folks going through to Hollywood. We only hear a little bit of them singing, so we assume they’re good. Or we’ll never hear from them again.
Next up is a couple from Scottsdale, AZ. Hopefully they were playing up their puky-wukiness for the cameras. But they are 19. They may really be that puky. The judges love them. They’re both going to Hollywood. We’ll see if they’re still dating by the time they get there.
Apparently bad contestants bring out ‘the dawg.’ The Dawg uses honesty with a tinge of anger. He’s no Simon.
Lastly we get Fraggle Rock dude named Casey playing a melodica. Despite reminding Idol producers of a puppet, he’s really high energy. He gets a resounding yes.
Fifty contestants made it through from Austin. Oy, are the cuts going to be rough come Hollywood week.