“The Superstars” Recap: Season Finale

superstars_finaleBy Mike

After a week off due to an apparently very important rerun of The Bachelorette, we’re back with The Superstars season finale. Only three teams — and two legitimate contenders — are left. (Seriously, there’s no way Lisa Leslie and David Charvet win this thing, right?) There are three events this week, including a rubber match, before the top two teams advance to a winner-takes-all run through the Obstacle Course.

We begin with the Kayak Pursuit, a race in which the three teams paddle their way around a triangle after each starting at a different point. The first team to be passed is eliminated, as is the second. Bode & Paige make quick work of Lisa & David, thanks to the latter’s wide turns, then — as they tend to do — they settle for second place to allow themselves to rest up for the race. The standings after one event are:

1. Kristi Leskinen & Maks Chmerkovskiy – 100 points

2. Bode Miller & Paige Hemmis – 80 points

3. Lisa Leslie & David Charvet – 70 points

The next event is the Strength Pull, in which the teams have to pull three weights positioned in the water to a spot on the shore. Not only does Bode prove once again to be a master strategist in this event, he proves to be a badass as well, pulling 450 pounds by himself. Taking it easy in the Kayak Pursuit pays off, because — even though Bode & Paige and Kristi & Maks end up with the same amount of points after two rounds, the tiebreaker goes to the team that wins Event No. 2. By winning the Strength Pull, Bode & Paige have put themselves into the Obstacle Course. The rest of the updated standings look like this:

1. Bode & Paige – 180 points (100 in Strength Pull)

2. Kristi & Maks – 180 (80)

3. Lisa & David – 140 (70)

Kristi & Maks are forced to take on Lisa & David in a rubber match to see who will join Bode & Paige in the finals. For the first time in the competition, Kristi & Maks will face possible elimination — a fact not lost on John Saunders, Warren Sapp or Jenn Brown, each of whom reminds us about 100 times that Kristi & Maks are obstacle course virgins. The only thing more annoying is how often they bring up Lisa Leslie’s four gold medals. The deciding event, the Arch to Triumph, is essentially a triathlon that combines running, swimming and some weird tandem surfboard paddling event. Kristi & Maks breeze through the event, setting up the championship match we’ve all known was coming for some time now: Kristi & Maks vs. Bode & Paige.

We’re ready to crown our champions with a best-of-three run through the Obstacle Course — or so we thought. It turns out that Kristi & Maks only need the first two races to defeat Bode & Paige, despite Bode making one of the most impressive trips through the course this season during Heat 2. So that’s it. Kristi & Maks win. Not much of a surprise really, since they dominated the competition from the very start. We’ll have to wait and see if they return next season to defend their crown — or if there even is another season. We hope so. Even though we had to endure bad Spanglish from Brandi Chastain, temper tantrums from Joanna Krupa and an early exit from Terrell Owens, we enjoyed this one.

Photo: American Broadcasting Companies, Inc./Adam Larkey