“The Superstars” Recap: Week 4

By Mike

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Last week, we said goodbye to Jeff Kent and Ali Landry. This week we say hello to Jeff Kent and Ali Landry. It seems that Terrell Owens has been spreading himself too thin between his commitments to The Superstars, his VH1 reality show (The T.O. Show, premiering July 20) and that small matter of playing NFL football with the Buffalo Bills. He withdraws from the competition, which means he and Joanna Krupa are out of the competition. To the surprise of no one, Joanna is pissed and she questions T.O.’s ability to be a good teammate. Then again, if not for T.O., Joanna would have been eliminated long ago, since she was clearly one of the weakest athletes on the show. The move also means that Brandi Chastain is now the most annoying competitor left. Seriously, she knows that her partner, Julio Iglesias Jr., speaks perfect English, right? Enough with the Spanglish!

The first event is the creatively titled Relay Run. It’s a relay race in which the competitors run. But, wait — there’s a twist. Both teammates run at the same time, meeting somewhere along the course. At that point, they pass a baton, turn around and head back to the start, which then becomes the finish line. Crazy, right? The event obviously favors the runners in the group, so it’s no surprise that Maks and Julio excel while a still somewhat gimpy Brandi struggles. What is surprising is that Bode and Paige seem to be sitting (or, more accurately, jogging) this one out. Their strategy this week (because they always have to have one) is to conserve their energy for Event No. 2. They finish last, and after one event the complete standings look like this:

1. Kristi Leskinen & Maks Chmerkovskiy – 100 points

2. Brandi Chastain & Julio Iglesias Jr. – 80

3. Lisa Leslie & David Charvet – 70

4. Jeff Kent & Ali Landry – 60

5. Bode Miller & Paige Hemmis – 50

On to Event No. 2. So what strenuous activity have Bode & Paige rested up for? Bowling — the only pro sport in which walrus-shaped individuals are not at a decided disadvantage. Way to overthink it, guys. This is elimination-style bowling, where each competitor rolls one ball and the lowest-scoring team in each frame is eliminated. Bowling is pretty uneventful, although we do find out thanks to an onscreen graphic that Maks is the “bad boy of ballroom dancing.” We guess somebody has to be. At the end of the event, the standings are:

1. Brandi & Julio – 180 points (100 points in Bowling)

2. Kristi & Maks – 160 (60)

3 . Lisa & David – 140 (70)

T4. Bode & Paige – 110 (60)

T4. Jeff & Ali – 110 (50)

Only two teams head to the Obstacle Course this week, so Lisa & David and Bode & Paige square off in a rubber match to see who will meet up with Jeff & Ali. Bode makes his strategy pay off (barely) by getting a strike. David matches him but steps over the line, negating his strike and sending his team to a rematch with Jeff & Ali. The teams may be the same this week, but the Obstacle Course is a little different. Not only will this week’s competition be a best of three, but the teams now have a narrow balance beam to contend with in the middle of the course.

Lisa & David knocked off Jeff & Ali last week, so it’s no surprise when they do it again on the first two attempts this week. It’s become obvious to Jeff that his team was no longer able to compete at the level of the others on the show, so he’s not sad that their run is over. Since we no longer get to watch Ali Landry run around in little outfits, we are — that is, unless someone else drops out of the competition before next week and Jeff & Ali get a third strike.