Randy’s having a lot of fun getting toys from the claw machine at the Crab Shack, but Joy keeps stealing all of them — even the bird dressed up for a wedding. This reminds Earl of a scrawny, sensitive kid named Wally “Pansy” Panzer he bullied in school. Earl goes to Wally’s house to cross him off the list, and finds that Wally has grown into a hulking beast of a man. Fearing a beatdown, Earl says his name is Cliff and that he’s responding to the ad Wally placed in the Pennysaver looking for a workout buddy. So Earl and Randy follow Wally to the gym, where Earl feels the burn, sweats it out, and gives 110 percent. Randy’s looking to bulk up so he can fight off his 32-C bra sized bully. Two guys at the gym say that Randy just needs a confidence boost — in the form of pure shark adrenaline, injected straight into the, um … scrotum.
Earl finds that Wally has dreamed of winning the Mr. Camden bodybuilding competition. But fearing that shaving his body, wearing small undies, getting a full-body tan and oiling himself up would make him a pansy, Wally never entered the competition. Earl decides he’s going to help Wally overcome his insecurities. So they go to Earl’s place and start shaving their legs.
Empowered by shark adrenaline, Randy stands up to Joy. Randy comes back to find Earl and Wally shaving themselves, and calls them pansies. This sets off Wally, who finds out Earl’s real identity, and begins throwing Earl through walls. But when Wally throws Earl through Randy’s favorite wall, Randy joins the fracas. Randy and Wally brawl through the streets of Camden, in a donnybrook not seen since Peter Griffin last fought the chicken. The brawl ends up in the Crab Shack, where Randy discovers that Joy has cleaned out the claw machine of all the toys.
Juiced up on shark adrenaline, Randy goes to Joy’s place to get back his “babies.” Randy gets them all, except for one — the bird dressed up for a wedding — that Earl Jr. is playing with. Earl Jr. starts crying, and suddenly Randy realizes that he’s turned into a bully. As Randy is about to give the toy back to Earl Jr., Earl barrels through with his El Camino and hits Randy, knocking him out. Earl tells an unconscious Randy that it’s good to be sweet and sensitive, not the aggressive maniac he’d become. Wally overhears this, and he rediscovers his sensitive side — and finds the courage to shave, oil up and enter the Mr. Camden competition.
What We Learned
Man, what I wouldn’t give for a baby seal right now.
No man would turn down a talking pet monkey.
The biggest, strongest peanut became Mr. Peanut.
Wisdom From Randy: That’s the scrotum?
Crab Man Chronicles: Only one line from the Crab Man today. He spent most of the episode getting bags of ice while the Crab Shack was getting destroyed by Randy and Wally.