First off, my apologies for missing last week’s episodes. I’m directing and stage managing a show here and we opened last week. I did, however, get to catch Normund Gentile. Fabulous. Shame on you, America, for not putting him through.
So now on to this week’s performances.
Von Smith — You’re All I Need To Get By by Marvin Gaye
In the death slot is Von Smith, a.k.a. Screamy McScreamy. In his ‘package’ he discusses the screaming label and how he doesn’t want to be that screaming guy. Ok, Von, prove it. And he actually does. Von tones down the mouth-swallowing the microphone whole & shows a bit of — gasp — range and variety. He’s still a bit of a spaz in his performance style, but one thing at a time here, folks. The judges give him pretty positive marks, with Simon comparing him to the one and only Clay Aiken.
Taylor Viafanua — If I Ain’t Got You by Alicia Keys
Oh, Taylor, if they hadn’t shown us the group performance clip in your ‘package,’ I would’ve never remembered you. That’s not good. And this song, while I like it, is a bit boring until you get to the chorus. There’s a lot of one-note singing until the chorus, however. Poor Taylor, unless something catastrophic happens in the next hour & a half, I think she’s gone.
Alex Wagner-Trugman — I Guess That’s Why They Call It The Blues by Elton John
Alex made the mistake of reading some things people are saying about him on the Interwebs. Big mistake, Alex, big mistake. In his ‘package’ he mentions a long-distance relationship. Way to feed the Interwebs. Well played, Alex, well played. He has this spastic David-Byrne like dancing style. He can’t stop smiling when he knocks over the mic stand. Simon hates the growl he put into the song & calls it a bit stupid. I don’t know, I kinda liked it. Randy calls it crazy in a buck-wild sort of way. Kathy thinks Alex’s mom is hot.
Arianna Afsar — The Winner Takes It All by Abba
Apparently Abba wouldn’t release the rights to their songs before now, which I find really hard to believe. But Ryan Seacrest said so, so it must be true. Arianna is going all serious with the song. That’s disappointing. Arianna — you’re doing an Abba song. Get some gay boyfriends & pick one of their dancey songs. Simon calls it absolutely terrible & dreary. Arianna thinks she tried to make the song contemporary. Um, Arianna, you kind of just sang the song as it was written. That’s not updating it. Should’ve done Dancing Queen, Arianna.
Ju’Not Joyner — Hey There Delilah by Plain White Ts
We’re reminded of how darn cute Ju’Not’s kid is. Adorable. Ju’Not manages to slow down an already slow song. Wake me up, Ju’Not, ’cause right now you’re putting me to sleep. And what’s with the handcuff off his belt? Is that appropriate for a family show? Ju’Not picks it up toward the end. Randy loved it. Kara wants him to kill it next time. Simon thought it was better than he expected, even though he was nervous. Which prompts Ju’Not to tell the world about his Cortisone shot & massive amounts of coffee. Wow. It’s confessional time on American Idol.
Ryan reminds us we can go to iTunes for tonight’s performances. I don’t want to go to iTunes. I want to go to YouTube.
Kristen McNamara — Give Me One Reason To Stay Here by Tracy Chapman
Kristen is the blond girl from one of the drama-filled groups for Hollywood week. She also informs us that she didn’t mean to dye her hair purple before auditions. Not sure how anyone screws that up. I can understand with making hair a little too orange, but do you really pick up the tube of purple by accident? Her performance is way higher energy than most singers we’ve heard today. The judges generally like her, but they’ve got lots of questions about her song choice, her dress and the existential question of just who is Kristen?
Nathaniel Marshall — I Would Do Anything For Love by Meat Loaf
He knows he’s this season’s drama queen. At least he admits it. And he sings Meat Loaf. Way to embrace your drama queen. Can I rip the dumb headband off his head? Please? I’ll let him keep the face piercings if he just loses the headband. Nate’s good at pointing — pointing at the audience when he sings ‘you’ and pointing at himself when he sings ‘me.’ I’m impressed that the Idol arrangers can get a Meat Loaf song down to 1 minute 30 seconds. Simon thinks it was excruciating, but he thinks people will remember him. Randy’s unsure of what kind of album Nathaniel would put out. Kara thinks Nathaniel would make a good karaoke buddy. Paula said Nathaniel did the Boy George version of Meat Loaf. Kathy doesn’t think that’s a sentence that’s ever been uttered before. Ryan decides to reintroduce Nathaniel to Simon to make Simon more comfortable. Nathaniel gives Simon his headband. Nice, Nathaniel. Vote for that kid.
Felicia Barton — No One by Alicia Keys
Felicia is the girl who replaced Joanna Pacitti because Idol has ‘standards’ and ‘didn’t want the appearance of impropriety.’ Um, yeah, whatever Idol. Kathy thinks she looks like a young Linda Ronstadt. I think she looks like a young Pat Benatar. Yes, that totally dates us. Her husband looks straight out of the Ren Faire. Paula loves her. Simon though she was a bit copy-cat of the original song. Randy thought it was hot. Kara noticed her for the first time tonight.
Scott MacIntyre — Mandolin Rain by Bruce Hornsby
Did you know Scott is blind? Did you? Did you? Sorry, Scott seems like a nice guy but, number one, I can’t stand Bruce Hornsby, and number two, I think there are better singers in the 36. There, I said it. Randy says the parts that were great were really really great. The rest was ‘meh.’ Kara says he moves mountains when he’s on stage. Paula gushes. Simon finally says he’s not crazy about the song, but Scott is growing on him. He’ll be amazed if Scott doesn’t make it through. Ok, now that Scott asked Ryan for a high-five, I don’t see how he won’t make it through. That’s TV gold right there.
Kendall Beard — This One’s For The Girls by Martina McBride
Kendall’s dad does a weird dance when she does good. That’s endearing. The song, however, is like one of those filmstrips about ‘becoming a woman’ and ‘that funny feeling’ you get ‘down there.’ It’s as sunny as her yellow dress. With flowers! It’s just like ‘becoming a woman.’ At least that’s what those filmstrips taught me in the 4th grade. Don’t do drugs! Kendall is really happy when Paula calls her the best dressed. Kendall, that means you stunk big time. Simon thinks she made the right choice, but he couldn’t wait until the end. We don’t have many country singers this time, so she might still get in the top 12. I kinda hope so so I can learn more Afterschool Special Life Lessons.
Jorge Nuñez — Don’t Let The Sun Go Down On Me by Elton John
Oh, going with the Clay Aiken trump card is a bold choice, Jorge. He’s got a nice voice, but right now some kind of accent would be a welcome change from the sameness we’ve been hearing all night. His rendition of the song doesn’t really bring anything interesting to it, even though he sang it well enough. Paula’s standing & doing her spastic clapping. She’s gushing all over him. Simon thinks it was wrong to ask him to lose the accent because it makes him unique. Randy says it’s the vocals that matter & he was really good. Kara states the obvious – ‘you’re a singer.’ That makes Jorge cry. And Paula. Jorge can’t express himself in English he’s so emotional, so we finally hear him speak a little Spanish. We’ll see if he makes it through.
Lil Rounds — Be Without You by Mary J Blige
As Lil began her performance, I immediately thought of the song that our co-worker likes to sing over & over again. But she doesn’t know that she’s singing. It comes out as a hoarse whisper as air passes by her lips. She can’t hear it though, as her headphones are on. Lil is singing a different song. She’s good & all, but I can’t get my co-worker out of my head. Lil adds her own little ‘call this show if you can’t live without me’ bit at the end. Simon calls it brilliant. Randy loved it. Kara calls her a powerhouse.
Well, it’ll probably be Scott & Lil making it through, unless something SHOCKING happens. That third slot is anyone’s guess. Who will you pick, America?
Normund Gentile?