First 12 American Idol Results Show

by Ruth Anne Boulet

Group number! It’s a super cheesy rendition of “I’m Yours!” Jackie is a spaz. Casey keeps trying to elbow Tatiana out of the frame. It ends with the outstretched hand reaching to the sky. Craptacular!

Most of the show is taken up by crappy Ryan torture/filler – asking the contestants how they did, asking the judges how the contestants did, looking at family members to see how their kid did.

Casey and Stephen get the boot pretty quickly. Alexis shouldn’t have worn a hat. We can’t see her face at all. She makes it into the top 12. Lots of shots of family crying. This year’s twist is apparently that the winners get to sing. So the people that we’ll be hearing more from get to sing. Those who get the boot will never be heard from again.

So then Seacrest brings Ricky and Jackie up onto the stage. Jackie thinks she brought the high-top shaking to the competition. Whatever, Jackie. She’s not in the top 12. Neither is Ricky. I can’t get past Jackie’s belt. It just says ‘Jack.’ I went to college with a girl who went by the name of Jack. She wasn’t a rocker-freak. She was a freak, freak.

Michael and Anoop are up next. I love Anoop. Aw, man, I like Michael, and he’s in, but that means Anoop is out. Here’s hoping they bring Anoop back for the wild card.

Then we get a commercial for the American Idol experience in Disney. And Ryan calls the ‘next two contestants’ down. Out comes Carly Smithson and Michael Johns. Carly talks about losing her weave in her baggage on the way to Orlando. Michael has an album coming out. Blah, blah, blah. Carly’s looking more like Sarah Brightman every day. Kathy thinks she’s sounding more like she’s from California and less like she’s from Ireland. They’re singing ‘The Letter.’ It’s boring.