“My Name Is Earl”: Randy’s List Item

It’s President’s Day, and Randy got his usual card and gift from the great aunt who thinks he’s Abe Lincoln. Randy gets a scratch-off lotto ticket that wins $250,000. Overjoyed, he runs outside and gets hit by a girl on a bike. Sound familiar? Randy’s got his own battle with karma to deal with now, and he’s got the first item on his own list. A while ago, Zeke and his brother Arlo moved into town, and Earl and Zeke became good buddies. They went out a lot and did things and got T-shirts for doing them. But Randy became jealous that Earl and Zeke were so tight. Randy frames Zeke for stealing Earl’s Andrew Dice Clay belt buckle, and Earl burned all of Zeke’s T-shirts. So now Earl and Randy have to cross Zeke off their lists. Zeke and Earl rekindle their friendship (and restart their T-shirt collection). But now Arlo is jealous, and he burns Zeke’s T-shirts to blame it on Earl. Randy decides that he’s going to teach Arlo how to be a good younger brother. At the same time, Earl is teaching Zeke how to be a good big brother. So Arlo and Zeke are bros and BFFs, and Earl and Randy get to cross them off the list. Oh, and Randy got his lotto ticket back.

Meanwhile, Joy and Darnell are under witness protection. Because Joy blew their cover on Estrada or Nada, the FBI has to give them new identities and locations. They are relocated to a crappy apartment in NYC next to the train tracks and above a dry cleaner. Joy intentionally blows their cover to get relocated again, and they’re sent to a lumberjack camp. Joy intentionally blows their cover again, and they’re sent to an Alaskan Inuit community. But Joy discovers that the two FBI agents in charge of them are having an affair, and she blackmails them to get a sweet new identity and life as Goldie Crystal in an L.A. mansion.

What We Learned

Beer + Tang = Space Beer!

Carson Daly is apparently still on national TV. Who knew?

Breeding wiener dogs with cats will not make long, skinny cats.

It’s easy to lose an earring when your own knee has been banging against it.

Douchachussetts is not a real state. (Assylvania, however, is a state. We’ve been there.)

Wisdom From Randy: Scratch-off lotto tickets are fun, because even if you don’t win, you still get to eat the silver candy you scratch off.

Crab Man Chronicles: Leave it to Crab Man to put a positive spin on bad situations. The train causing the floor to vibrate will be great for massages. And the steam from the dry cleaners is great for healthy pores and getting wrinkles out of shirts.