Darnell, Joy and the kids are under witness protection, and they’ve been given new identities as the Rosensteins. Darnell’s excited, because he already speaks Hebrew. But Joy’s not happy being frumpy Phyllis Rosenstein, maker of clothing for dogs. Meanwhile, Earl and Randy discover that Joy and Darnell’s mail is being forwarded somewhere. So Earl and Randy pack themselves into a crate and mail themselves. But they end up in a Dumpster full of undeliverable mail, where Earl discovers a letter sent to Joy from the Estrada or Nada show. One of the final Estrada or Nada contestants fell ill from bad mayonnaise, so the show is giving losers a second chance to appear on the show if they get the most text-message votes. Earl starts a campaign to get Joy the most votes, and she wins. Earl knows that Joy would have to come out of hiding to be on the show, and Crab Man won’t let Joy miss out on this chance. Darnell busts the family out of hiding and gets Joy on the show at the last moment. Joy takes on Erik Estrada in contests of skill, and the two are neck and neck. But Joy has more command of esoteric facts about the state of Ohio, and she beats Estrada at his own game. Joy thanks Earl for all he has done for her, and Joy and Darnell quickly leave again for their new lives as the Rosensteins.
What We Learned
The mudslide is a natural disaster, not a giant alcoholic beverage. Please stop driving toward it.
There’s a bunker a half-mile under the Mall of America.
Santa Claus and God are going to be pissed when they find out they didn’t get their mail.
East 105th Street and Euclid Avenue in Cleveland was the site of the first pedestrian button for the control of a traffic light. The boy chosen for the 1948 newsreel to demonstrate its operation was Louis Spronze.
If dogs had legs like shrimps, they’d be called “drimps” … or “shrogs.”
Wisdom From Randy: Mailing yourself in a cool wooden crate isn’t as glamorous as imagined.
Crab Man Chronicles: Mr. Turtle is the only one who knows why Darnell is in the witness protection program, and he’s not telling anyone. Crab Man could’ve invented Dance Dance Revolution had he relocated to Japan like he was supposed to.