As a kid, Earl had a crush on his babysitter Rachel. But Rachel was with her boyfriend Daniel. Earl didn’t take too kindly to that, so he sabotaged Daniel’s condoms. But as Earl wants to cross the misdeed off his list, he discovers that Rachel (Faith Ford) and Daniel are happily married — but their twentysomething son that Earl had a hand in conceiving is a bit of a freeloading loser. So Earl takes it upon himself to give their son, Ronnie (Adam Rose), a little tough love so he can learn to survive on his own. But Randy starts seeing the similarities between him and loser Ronnie, and Randy decides he needs to go off on his own to learn some independence. Ronnie follows along to mooch off Randy. Earl’s worried about Randy while he’s off on his own, but it seems the boys did pretty well for themselves out in the world: They returned a wallet; got free thrift-store suits; became the hit of the American Flange, Stoppers & Fastener Manufacturers Trade Association Annual Convention; and won an electric golf cart. And because of the experience, Ronnie moves out of his parents’ house … and into their garage.
Meanwhile, Joy accidentally lost Mr. Turtle. She set him on the roof of the Brat and drove off. So she finds a replacement turtle, but it soon dies. As a grief-stricken Darnell buries what he thinks is his beloved reptilian buddy, Joy confesses that she lost Mr. Turtle, and the one he is burying is not him. But Crab Man is confident that Mr. Turtle will be able to find his way home … or at least to the motel parking lot.
What We Learned:
Now that a Democrat’s in office, we’d all better learn Spanish.
SARS is a Norwegian guy.
Mr. Turtle’s real name is Sydney, and he was born in 1913. And he’s Jewish.
Don’t forget to buy milk. (Just not skim milk.)
“The pipes of freedom are held together by the American flange.” — FDR
No turtles were harmed in the making of this episode. So please — no letters, crackpots!
Wisdom From Randy: In case something happens to Earl, Randy is taking extra special care of his suit. That’s why he’s stuffing it in a garbage bag and throwing it on the floor.
Crab Man Chronicles: Crab Man burying the faux Mr. Turtle may have provided the best quote of the season: “Who’s this sonofabitch, then?”