Randy’s birthday is coming up, and Earl wants to give Randy a special gift this year. Since Earl gave Randy the short end of the stick all their lives, Earl decides to get Randy a car — his very own Ranchero. But before Earl can give the car, it’s stolen by thievin’ hicks Clyde and Bedbug. There was an unwritten rule in Camden County that crooks can’t steal from other crooks, so Earl decides to invoke the rule and get Randy’s car back. But since Earl isn’t a thief anymore, the rule no longer applies to him. Earl has to buy the car back for $1,500, but before he can give Randy the car, Clyde and Bedbug steal it … again. Earl decides the only way to get the car back is to go to the cops and become a snith snich snitch. But word gets out among the Camden criminals that Earl’s a snitch, and they all make life rough on him. After a botched attempt to steal Clyde and Bedbug’s lowrider to trade for the Ranchero, Earl is able to put two and two together and realizes that all the Camden crooks — Jasper, Joy, even Creepy Rodney (Clint Howard!) — are all snitches themselves. Earl waits outside the police station and catches them all in the act of snitchin’, and he uses the dirt on them to get the Ranchero back for Randy’s birthday.
What We Learned
“Happy Bat Mitzvah” is not Spanish for “Happy Birthday.”
Oh what a tangled web we weave when first we practice to make a stupid-ass list.
Joy’s social hierarchy goes like this: 1) Regular People, 2) Fat People, 3) Cops, 4) al-Qaida, 5) Stuff You Squeeze Out of a Zit, and 6) Snitches.
Wisdom From Randy: The old Stealin’ Bag still smells like crime.
Crab Man Chronicles: Not much Crab Man, except for the “catch your own seafood” promotion at the Crab Shack.