Where Will Tyra Send the Girls of ANTM?

by Ruth Anne Boulet

Why? Why ANTM did you have to start running that creepy Bluefly.com ad? I thought I was done with that commercial with the end of Project Runway! Why torture me so?

The girls, mostly Elina and Sheena, are stressed out about getting negative feedback from the judges. Elina has now decided to play the ‘I’m from Europe & you don’t understand’ card. Samantha doesn’t get it, neither do Sheena, Joslyn and McKey. We’ve got Europe vs. USA in the competition. Who will come out on top? Only Tyra knows.

Yay! It’s the twirl and a-swirl twins! Time to Aswirl girls! They’re here to show the girls how to work those accessories. Of course, no one can work accessories like the aswirl twins. Once the lesson is over, the girls know a challenge is coming, and it comes in the form of a green-spandex clad Barney the Dinosaur! Oh, I mean James St. James, club kid extraordinare!

The girls will be green screened out as they model the dresses of some pink-haired woman. They need to really show off the clothes without relying on their own beauty. It’s all about how they move. The winner of this challenge gets a Seventeen Magazine spread. James St. James has become a white pearl-clad, suit-wearing dinosaur. Go club kid, go. Oh, yeah, and Elina is freaking out again. Green things on her face make her claustrophobic. She’s European. You don’t understand. Until music came on, then she was fine.

Marjorie feels free-er when she can’t see the audience. This is good, but with the green body suit, she couldn’t feel that she lost her top. Whoops! Sheena couldn’t stop moving. Joslyn’s belt removal choice looked like a strip tease. McKey decided making her skirt as wide as possible was the best choice. Not really. Elina wins the challenge, much to Samantha’s chagrin.

“A well-read model is always prompt” Yep, that means it’s time for a commercial shoot! Hooray! Train wreck! But first we have to have a fight about the whole European thing. And apparently girls think Elina shouldn’t win the challenge because it’s a holiday photo shoot & she’s an atheist. Um, girls, it’s called acting. It’s kind of a component of modeling. Did all of the girls totally believe their ‘voting issue’ shoot? I’m guessing no. Sorry, USA girls, but Europe just scored a point on you. Sheena thinks it’s good vs. evil. Um, no, Sheena. Now you’re just sounding like an ugly American.

Cover Girl commercial shoot — and Whitney is here to show the girls how it’s done. Oh, man, these girls get a teleprompter. Mr. Jay is making it sound like it’ll be SO much harder with a teleprompter. Yeah, whatever. Samantha does her shoulder-up ‘OMG! Did you see this shadow!’ Elina was controlled, but she said she had fun. Analeigh is the most natural.

And then Joslyn had to throw up. Ew. She’s got two people holding her hair back. Then Marjorie has a little mini-breakdown because Mr. Jay tells her she’s got 4 more takes. You don’t understand, she’s European. Sheena believes in the product — she loves the turquoise! Joslyn makes it through the take, but she’s not very good. It’s more fun when they make the girls learn the lines. Trainwrecks are fun. These girls looked way too polished for Top Model.

And it’s time for elimination, and the commercial director is the guest judge. But first, the girls have to work the runway in clogs. It’s clogs because we can see what happened when Tyra chose stripper heels. Those poor girls almost broke their ankles. Samantha can barely walk in regular shoes. She also chose clogs because the girls are going to Amsterdam. Can you say coffee shop!? One of the Aswirl twins twirls the windmill through the set.

So we’re finally up to judging. Samantha was a mush mouth. Marjorie was in a rush with a chickenhead. So, of course she looks like she’s going to cry. Tyra declares Analeigh’s commercial the best in Top Model history. Tyra didn’t see the sickness in Joslyn, but doesn’t think she did well in the commercial. Elina looks down the stairs and gets told that she’s too tight again. Miss Jay thinks Sheena was about to pop her neck. Paulina thinks McKey was a disaster & Tyra thinks she’s not good when she opens her mouth.

Tyra’s time to chop. First up is Analeigh, followed by Sheena, Samantha, Marjorie, McKey, leaving Elina and Joslyn in the bottom two. Samantha is mouthing ‘Joslyn.’ Way to be subtle. Sheena starts up, too. They’re wrong, Elina is still in and Joslyn is gone.

So the top 6 are off to Amsterdam. What drama will come with them? We find that the girls will be modeling in the Red Light District. Could a visit to a ‘coffee’ shop be far behind?