ANTM Takes a Walk into the Gutter

by Ruth Anne Boulet

Analeigh does not want to be in the bottom two ever again. Then Hannah tells Analeigh and Marjorie to stop with the pity party.

TyraMail says something about being in the gutter. Yes, that’s a bowling alley gutter. I so want the bowling alley high heels. Seriously want them. They’re uber cool. The girls have to strut the runway on the bowling lane. Hannah gets the Miss Jay impression, which is never good. Samantha discusses how she’s going to rock her bow legs. Elina gets told she needs to let go. In other words, the feedback they get is essentially the same feedback they’ve always gotten.

We come back from commercial and for some reason the producers have chosen a porn-y ‘wocka-wocka’ music track. Analeigh is working on her walk. Good thing, too, because the girls are having their runway challenge. They’re in an old bank and they have to play cat burglars. Except for McKey, who is playing Carol Burnett in her version of Gone With the Wind. She saw it in the window and she just had to have it. Then Miss Jay lands the next bombshell. The girls will be doing this challenge blindfolded. Ouch. AND one girl is going home tonight. No panel. No critique, just home.

I believe our lucky loser is Samantha as she ends up lifting her skirt at the end of the runway, and the designer had told her specifically not to do it. The winner of tonight’s challenge, who gets to do an editorial photo shoot, is Joslyn. The loser, who is going home, is Hannah. Wow, I didn’t see that one coming. But, she wasn’t long for the competition. I guess the designer didn’t get a say.

Joslyn picks Isis and Sheena to do the photo shoot with her. They’re modeling clothes from a 15-year-old Russian designer. That’s just crazy.

So it’s time for a photo shoot. But first, let’s overanalyze things. Analeigh and Marjorie indulge in their pity party now that Hannah’s not there.

Cover Girl commercial! Way to not wear a helmet, Whitney.

Mr. Jay drops in on the sleeping girls with his own version of a Richard Simmons outfit. It’s after 8:30 am. C’mon, girls. Get up.

The photo shoot will take place in the pool at the girls’ house. The images they will be taking will be shot by Nigel Barker, and only their eyes will be out of the water. Clark used this as an opportunity to flirt with Nigel. That probably worked for her. Isis is worried about her underwear. Sheena is ready to go to war. She finally doesn’t get a hootchie comment. Because 95% of her body is underwater.

Elina got stuck in her head. Again. Samantha got props for being unique.

We find out that Tyra got the idea for this shoot from going on vacation with her friend. How fun!

Lauren Brie always surprises me — I never recognize her in her photo shoot. And McKey always looks better in pictures than she does on the runway. Samantha finally gets dinged for her runway performance earlier & she looks like she’s going to yak. Then we go to commercial and Nigel Barker reminds us that ANTM alums do get work after the show. They do! Even Chantal!

Tyra’s going to send someone to her shizzle. Fo sizzle. Miss Jay becomes a drowning sister. Oh, Lord! Clark apparently has sassafras. The designer can’t let go of Samantha and the runway ‘incident.’ We get it, guy. Let it go already.

The ‘winner’ this week is Clark. She smiled with her eyes, and Tyra loves that. The rest of the girls get called up one by one, until Isis and Samantha are left. Samantha looks like she’s going to absolutely fall apart.

Samantha gets a second chance. Through it all, I never thought she did it on purpose, so they kind of tortured her. Tyra sends Isis off by telling her that she’s been an inspiration to the community. Man, I wanted her to stay around longer. But, she was way too distracted by her situation.

Next week: the girls can’t take Marjorie’s insecurities anymore. Good. I can’t either.