"Highway 18" Quick Nine: Long Drives

Posted by Ryan

Highway 18

1. Someone’s going home today (we mean it this time).  We’re getting down to the wire on Highway 18, and still no team has been eliminated. And thanks to last week’s superleg, there are only three teams that can possibly go home: Andy and Parker, Peach and Jay, and the Ashleys. Raul and Jameica won a ride in the Passing Lane and get to kick back and chillax through the day, and Rob and Charlotte still don’t have any strikes against them, thanks to getting bailed out on two non-elimination occasions. But they’ll be assessed a 10-minute penalty in this episode.

2. Chicks dig the long ball. Brian Pavlet is a former long-drive world champion, who has maxed out at 462 yards in competition. Even more impressive, the Ashleys find him dreamy. He demonstrates his awesome power for the teams, and hits one 332 yards. Teams will have to guess how far he can hit shots with different clubs in order to hit the road challenge. The teams seem really impressed with Brian, but I wonder about how real professional golfers feel about the whole long drive golf sideshow act. Golf purists, myself included, probably scoff at this stuff. But I suppose as long as there are people who “oooh” and “ahhh” over guys with oversized drivers and super-flexible shafts smacking balls across rivers and canyons, there’ll always be a place for them.

3. Stay on target. Rob and Charlotte again show some prowess on the roadway and beat Peach and Jay to The Bluffs. They know they have to kick in the rear a little bit because they’re going to lose 10 minutes at the end of the day. Teams have to hit approach shots into targets 100, 125 and 150 yards away. (This is my forte — the short irons are my strong suit.) Rob and Charlotte get out first, followed by Peach and Jay.

4. Not to be confused with the giant alligator movie. Following the challenge at The Bluffs, teams will drive to Placid Lakes Country Club in Lake Placid. (Confused?) I know when most people hear “lake” and “placid” together, they might think of the 1980 Winter Olympics and the Miracle on Ice and all that, but my first thought always goes to the 1999 cheesy horror movie Lake Placid, which featured a potty-mouthed Betty White feeding cattle to a giant alligator in a small lake. Now that’s sort of what I was looking for in that one swamp challenge a few episodes back.

5. Left in the dust at The Bluffs. The Ashleys are the last team left at The Bluffs, as Ashley can’t hit her shot into the 150 target to save her life. Ashley seems ready to give up. They’re falling apart, and I’m pretty sure at this point that they’re the team going home. But …

6. Raul and ‘Meica are just Peachy. Raul and Jameica have it in for Peach and Jay. They get to pick the holes the teams play at Placid Lakes, and they give the hardest hole to Peach and Jay … again. They think Peach and Jay are their toughest competition, and they’d like to see them go home. Raul and Jameica want to eliminate people, and so do I. The teams will play a scramble format and they have to at least birdie the hole before completing the challenge. Again, Peach and Jay are up for the challenge Raul and Jameica gave them, and they come in first. I see a nice budding rivalry between these two teams heading into the home stretch.

7. “We’ll keep on sucking till the end…” Nice little song composed and performed by the Ashleys on the road to Lake Placid. They should record that. The Ashleys pretty much concede that they’re going home today, and they’ll totally bitch you out if you try to console them when they lose. But they save their best golf for when they’re on the ropes. They hit great shots at Placid Lakes, birdie the hole in their first attempt. Huge comeback for the Ashleys. They come in second.

8. Sweatin’ it out. Rob and Charlotte finish their hole at Placid Lakes, but they have to wait out the 10-minute penalty assessed to them. Some of the drama is lost though, because they don’t have a strike against them and can’t go home today. Charlotte is a little sore about the situation, and thinks 10 minutes is a little harsh. Not sure what she’s complaining about — they’re the luckiest team in this competition. They wait out their penalty, and get the last ball.

9. Bad day for the good ol’ boys. Andy and Parker are the first to reach the end of the road in Highway 18, and Parker has a good attitude about it. “If this show goes 20 years, we’re still the first.” I’ll miss these guys. They were just starting to get funny. Of course, the Ashleys cry.

About Ryan Berenz 2080 Articles
Some things I like (in no particular order): Sports, Star Wars, LEGO, beer, 'The Simpsons' Seasons 1-13, my family and the few friends who are not embarrassed to be seen with me. Why yes, I am very interested in how much you like 'Alaskan Bush People.' #LynxForLife