"Hurl!" Here: Dog And Pony Show

Posted by Ryan

Hurl!Contestants on this episode of Hurl! will try to down up to 10 pounds of hot dogs and take a whirl in the spinning Round Up.

Let’s meet the five guys who really want to date your daughter: Mike, an after-school programs assistant; Nick, who works at a computer lab at an elementary school; Sammy, a clothing designer and drummer for a punk band who delivers pizza in his “spare” time, if by spare he means 50 hours a week; Chris, an AV equipment installer; and Erik, a U.S. Marine who looks like a slightly bad-ass Neil Patrick Harris.

The guys dive into the hot dogs (They’re organic!! What? Do they even make organic hot dogs?) and they can wash it down with root beer. In a contest like this, is it just best to eat the “meat” and leave the buns? It’s all based on weight, and it’s not like these guys are competing with Kobayashi. Erik, the Marine, says he can’t eat a lot at once and has a weak stomach. Great, another poorly cast contestant. Mike’s mom is there to cheer him on (plus, she had to drive him there). Seriously, Mike looks like he’s 13. Nick gets the first Hurl Warning after only eating one hot dog, and he pretty much concedes. A loser in life, and now a loser in Hurl!

Sammy, Mike and Chris move on. Nick and Erik are cast out, and there will be much wailing and gnashing of teeth for them. The three remaining guys take a spin in the Round Up for five minutes. Mike yells out that he wants some peach cobbler and some shrimp. Mmm. Two great tastes that taste great together. The Round Up has no effect on any of them, so it’s back to the tables to eat chili (it’s organic!) for four minutes.

These guys seem to be taking their sweet-ass time with the chili, and no one seems really interested in eating. Sammy and Chris move on, leaving Mike’s mom and grandparents very disappointed in him, especially after they spent all that money on competitive eating lessons. Chris and Sammy go back to the Round Up for five more minutes. They seem to be fine with it, but Nick, on the sidelines, pukes. I guess someone told him what’s actually in that one hot dog he ate. Nick says he’s a little disappointed in himself. Oh … really.

Both Sammy and Chris survive, and their reward is more chili. Sammy’s not doing well with the chili this time, and Chris seems to have indigestion. Sammy claims to never have vomited in his life. There’s always a first for everything. But not yet. They’ll go back to the Round Up, now wearing blindfolds, for three minutes in the final round. The crowd is getting anxious. They paid for puke, and they want it. But alas, they will have to settle for Nick’s weak sideline spew. Neither Sammy nor Chris hurls on the final ride, but Sammy ate the most and wins $1,000.

About Ryan Berenz 2049 Articles
Some thing I like (in no particular order): Sports, Star Wars, LEGO, beer, 'The Simpsons' Seasons 1-13, my family and the few friends who are not embarrassed to be seen with me. Why yes, I am very interested in how much you like 'Alaskan Bush People.' #LynxForLife