Posted by johnnysweeptheleg
When you are a reality show, is it wise to start every season with a staged “here’s your key, pretend you are shocked and surprised to be picked for the show!” segment? Who cares? Big Brother is pure Vodka and Red Bull, year in and year out. My consumption of the show both stimulates and depresses.
After meeting the 13 new hamsters for the 10th season, we quickly form opinions and questions.
CBS, who we already know has a target demo of 78-142 year olds, went for the obvious eye candy when they put 75-year-old former Marine, Jerry on the show. Airing at 8pm EST, it’s ironic that Jerry stars on a show he normally wouldn’t be able to stay awake long enough to watch. Oh, and I dare you not to have fallen in love with Jerry after just one episode. Seriously.
Musician John Mayer is also on the show. Although, he is pretending to be a Catholic school teacher named Dan. But I know better.
And there’s a gay cowboy. I know his name is Steven because of the web’s greatest BB site, jokersupdates.com. But you wouldn’t know it from watching the show, since the terms “gay cowboy” and “gay rodeo” were used to describe him more than using his actual name. Really, Big Brother, with the labels? Evidently references to his “gay bull” were left on the editing room floor.
Before anyone even makes it into the house, Big Brother has a surprise for the houseguests. In the worst-kept secret on the Internet, the houseguests will have to cast their vote for the first Head of Household (HOH) before any words are spoken. We learn that this best serves Renny, the 50-something beauty salon owner from the Big Easy. Although, I wouldn’t be at all surprised if that was Renny’s nickname in some circles back in the ’70s. Burn! Once we get into the house, we learn that Renny has a voice to test the longevity of your mute button on the remote.
April, as we know, has OCD. Evidently, her OCD comes not in needing to touch the doorknobs five times before entering, but in the form of needing 12 strangers to grab your “very real” boobs. Which makes her form of OCD the greatest ever. Unfortunately, her OCD nearly gives Jerry his first of four potential heart attacks when he gets a handful of April’s “very real” boobs. But never have I seen a smile so bright on a retired Marine.
BB is all about the competitions. Their first night in the house, and a food/luxury competition was already set up. The house divided into two groups, and Bodybuilder Jessie volunteered to sit out. Upside is, he is guaranteed to stay off slop all week. Downside is, he has no shot at winning the luxury prize — either a ’66 Mustang or ’69 Camaro. Muscleheads never were bright.
One by one, the object was to get everyone into your upside down VW Bug. You’d use a pulley to pull you to a gas tank, pick up the gas tank, and pull yourself back to the starting position where you’d have to drop off one person. The catch was that whoever was dropped off, could not win the car. This competition gives us the second “Jerry Could Die” moment when he falls backwards in the competition. Greed already takes over between the Alpha Males, and the Red Team ultimately wins, and Memphis the bartender Mixologist gets his ’69 Camaro.
The competition that really matters, however, is the HOH comp. Julie Chen — a.k.a The Chen Bot — finally announces the winner of the HOH competition. Renny, benefiting from the no-talk policy, received three votes for second place. But four votes landed in Jerry’s lap, which is good enough for the Head of Household.
Not competing obviously tired out Jessie, the “natural” bodybuilder (whatever that is … is that like Perfect Ten? So Jessie’s pecs are “very real” also?), who decides to go to bed early. Unfortunately for him, his room is adjacent to Renny’s. And Renny’s constant talking and laughing is enough to wake Jessie up. Now battling body-builder rage (he’s natural, so no roid rage!) and a crankiness from being woken up, he confronts Renny about her volume. She says he needs to grow up. He turns green and yells, “JESSIE SMASH!”
Finally, it’s almost time for Jerry to make his nominations. Brian and Dan have already formed an alliance that we can tell is built upon deviance. They’ve brought Ollie in for some virtue, so that they don’t get struck by lightning while sitting in the hot tub. Brian uses his Air Force background to get Jerry’s ex-Marine ear. And it works. At the nomination ceremony, Jerry nominates Jessie and Renny, per Brian’s plan.
Is Dan the “Dr. Will” of this season? Will Jerry pull a Chicken George and get by on his aw-shucks likability? Is Libra the floater of this house, this year? These are some of my early thoughts. What are yours, so far?
Photo: John P. Filo/CBS ©2008 CBS Broadcasting Inc. All Rights Reserved.