Time To Let Syesha Down On American Idol

What is with Ryan not shaving? Does he have a bigger job that he has to look better for? Like being a DJ? Ryan can’t stop talking about Paula’s girls that are spilling out of her dress.

Cheesy group number comes belching out of the American Idol stage! The Top 3 are doing ‘Ain’t No Stopping Us Now.’ Kathy remembers that Clay and Ruben did this number in their finale show. The Idols are doing a jazz square kids! They’re not doing it well. David A is rockin’ a white Members Only Jacket. Ok, I don’t think it’s REALLY a Member’s Only Jacket, but it sure looks like one. The guys get to back up Syesha for the end of the song. Was that the producers trying to make nice after last night’s cruel joke?

Ford commercial! The Idols are seeing themselves as crazy rich people singing ‘How Far Is Heaven’ by Los Lonely Boys. Crazy rich people buy a lot of Fords. Sure they do. Man do the producers want a Daughtry out of David Cook. They’re starting to do the Christopher Lowell eye makeup on him. Then we get a recap of last night’s show.

Finally something I haven’t seen — Fantasia is performing and she’s gone all P!nk with her hair as it’s bright red. I’m not really grooving on the song. She’s screaming a lot & I can’t really tell what she’s saying. There’s some guy she’s doing a duet with on the balcony. I have no idea who he is. His hat is about as big as Dumb Donald’s from Fat Albert & The Cosby Kids so I can’t see his face at all. She’s probably the most original person to win American Idol ever, so it’s hard not to like her. Plus I’m noticing she’s got braces now. I can totally relate to her.

Tickets for the tour go on sale Saturday, kids — squeal! It’s your only chance to see Kristy Lee Cook and Chikezie!

David Archuleta is called out of the backstage holding pen first. We get to see his return home video. He has to go on the morning show. Then the mall. He’s not sure if anyone is going to show up at the mall. Tons of people show up & he gets all emotional. It’s actually good to see that he’s not a Dad robot. David also asks the practical question — where did they all park? Wisely, American Idol shows David more with his mom than his dad. He also gets to go to his high school and an unnamed arena. Ryan then brings him back to reality by breaking down the judges’ opinions of his performances. When David’s asked to speak, it may just be me, but it seems like he’s trying really hard not to gasp. Then we get a ‘swan song’ film for him because we’ve got time to fill. We don’t learn anything yet.

So next it’s Syesha’s turn. Again, we see her star treatment back home video, which also includes local Fox affiliate interviews. She’s going into a building and a woman throws her baby at her to take a picture. It’s way creepy. The Idol producers bring Syesha to her house & her dad talks about the natural high of seeing his daughter’s success. It’s sweet. Syesha also gets to go to her high school. I would not want to go to my high school. Maybe that’s just because it’s been almost 20 years. She then gets to take a helicopter ride to Sarasota where the mayor tries to do a cartwheel for her. Very weird. Syesha also gets emotional about everything. Again we have a recap of the judges’ comments and again we have a swan song video recap of her Idol journey. She gets a Syesha song during her package.

Finally David Cook is brought out into the light. It wasn’t his idea to audition; he was going to be his little brother’s moral support. A producer started interviewing him and he was then officially auditioning. His local Fox station was on ‘Cook Look Live!’ waiting for him to show up. He does a radio station and then does a concert in what looks like an outdoor mall. There are lots of crying girls. He gets a visit to his elementary school, not because he’s that young, but so he can ‘surprise’ his old music teacher. It’s sweet, if staged. Then they get to be in a parade & some woman has a sign that she drove 10 hours from Wisconsin. That’s someone who’s got some time on her hands. David also gets emotional. He also gets to see an elected official on his trip home and got to throw a pitch out at a ball game. So David Cook gets his little retrospective film swan song, set to a Daughtry song. How appropriate for him.

So we’re drawing out the final ‘revelation’ of who’s out tonight. Syesha is smiling & both guys look like they want to throw up. Paula says they’re all standing in the place reserved for greatness. She says the world’s going to remember every single one of them. Uh, yeah, right. Simon thinks we’re going to have a real hum-dinger of a finale next week.

Ryan dims the lights & the audience won’t stop talking. The two going head-to-head in the finale next week are David A, who looks like he’s going to pass out. And David Cook, who looks a little pissed. I know it’s shocking, but Syesha’s out.

So next week’s finale will be David themed. I want to hear and/or see a number of things:

• Welcome To The Boomtown
• These Are The Daves I Know
• Dagenham Dave
• Dave Gahan’s butt in leather pants
• David Lee Roth being really creepy and inappropriate
• David Letterman doing a Dave Top 10 list
• A reading of Dr. Seuss’ Too Many Daves by David Hyde Pierce
• Dave? Dave’s Not Here routine from Cheech & Chong. If they could work Jason Castro in there, that would be fabulous

420 dude! Come on — I bet you’ve got some great Dave things that could be thrown into the final. Share them here!