We begin tonight with the Idols singing ‘Reelin’ In The Years.’ I know it’s a ‘classic’ and all, but man, does it go against the whole ‘make it modern’ thing the contestants are constantly told to do. There’s just no way to make that song modern or current. Sorry, American Idol.
We get a long recap of last night’s show, because we need to fill time. This gives me time to look at Vote For The Worst, and since I’m in the Pacific Time Zone, I already know who’s gone. I’ll wait until the end of my recap to spill it, just in case it’s a ‘surprise’ to any of you.
First Ryan pulls David Archuleta out from the backstage holding pen. David rambles on & on about being nervous. Whatever David, you could go to zabasearch.com too and have known all day. He takes a seat on the couch of safety.
Next we get the scoop on the Top 4 heading to Las Vegas in a private 737. They were re-creating the Beatles Fab 4 arrival. So the Idols were going to see the Cirque du Soleil show Love. Syesha loves animals AND dolphins. Then the 4 kids get a makeover & David Cook gets his first manicure ever! Then they get to meet the cast of Love! Whoo-hoo! All you need is Love! Love, love, love.
We get on with things and David Cook is brought out, because he’s safe. Randy coaches him to be himself & rock it out. Whatever, he’s safe. It’ll probably be David & David in the finale. They need to sing Welcome To The Boomtown. That would be awesome. Syesha and Jason are brought out as the final two. Jason’s way confused. “We’re going to find out who’s out NOW?” Ryan says no, there’s more stuff to do first. Of course there’s more stuff to do.
One of the things we need to work in is the Ford commercial. This time the Idols are matadors singing ‘Ring of Fire.’ Ryan makes a joke about the pants looking comfortable.
We also get the crappy phone calls. David Cook gets asked out on a date. It’s awkward. A 14-year-old asks what is the biggest challenge they’ve had to overcome. Jason admits that ‘the brain being dead’ is his biggest challenge. I bet it is, Jason. Some asks Simon why he hasn’t been knighted by the Queen. He makes a joke about thinking about that very question on a daily basis. Syesha gets asked how it is being the only girl. She says it’s awkward & you get the subtext of all the dirty jokes she’s probably heard. Another person says Simon Cowell should be the next James Bond.
Mercifully that bit of torture is done, but only to be replaced by Maroon 5! I finally get the whole Blake Lewis comparison. Maroon 5’s lead singer doesn’t have that tinge of Morrissey like Blake did, though. Wow, they make me yawn. Apparently Rhianna sings with them on their new album, for those of you who care.
We’re not ready to wrap up the show yet. First we need to hear ‘Witness’ from Bo Bice. His hair is even longer than it was on American Idol. He’s shouting a lot more than I remember from his time on the show. I wouldn’t be surprised if he was a little bit bitter that he wasn’t allowed to play an instrument, and now contestants are playing almost every week. I’m deep in this thought when he whips out one of those stupid ‘wa-wa’ effect microphones. He tells the contestants to ‘practice, practice, practice’ and reveals that he’s going to be a dad for a second time. The things you learn on American Idol.
So now it’s finally time to learn who’s off the show. Ryan does the blah, blah, blahs through both contestants. Somebody told Jason that he shot the tambourine man yesterday. It’s true — it’s Jason’s turn. Bye stoner boy, I’ll miss your Muppet-like dreds and dude-ness. I love that he admits that he’s kind of glad to be gone ’cause next week they have to do three songs. He leaves us with Bob Marley. He can’t stop smiling during his performance. If he had been having that much fun last night, he might still be on the show. But that’s always the way with American Idol.
