Posted by Knockturn
Picture it: a veterinarian’s office in Quahog. Brian’s in with the doctor trying to find the source of a bowel obstruction while his family anxiously waits in the lobby. Peter makes friends with a parrot and birdnaps it, replacing it with a moustached puppy so that no one will know what he’s done. Turns out that Brian had a used diaper inside him (“I thought it was Indian food!”), and while everyone’s sorting that out, Chris falls for Anna, the vet intern (voiced by Amanda Bynes).
Peter goes pirate with his new parrot, pillaging the pharmacy, firing a cannon at all the terrible pharmacy toys. He and his new crew then pile into the car and start attacking a mini cooper that’s carrying sugarcane, spices and tobacco down the Quahog city streets. A swashbuckling, cannon-firing street battle ensues, resulting in the capture of the Brit cooper’s loot and the unfortunate death of the parrot.
Meanwhile, Chris is chatting up Anna, using the best lines he has: “Sometimes I have to poop for a long time” and “The only girl I know is my sister and SHE SUCKS!!!” Somehow, Anna thinks this is charming and she gives him her digits. He takes to her the Italian Food restaurant and he continues to fumble the conversation with “I want to share my innermost self but I’m afraid you won’t like what you see, or you’ll see my scrotum and see that it has a seam on it and you’ll think I’m actually two guys sewn into one because THAT’S WHAT I THINK HAPPENED.” Again, this somehow ends with Anna telling Chris she likes him.
Chris, anxious and excited about this new development, asks the guys at the Drunken Clam for advice about sex, and Peter tells him to treat Anna like crap, because that’s how you get girls to like you. Christ follows Peter’s advice and makes Anna cry. To cheer Chris up, Peter gives him a dead bullfrog, and then sets him up on a series of dates. With a sock puppet. And Stewie in drag.
Eventually, Chris has to go talk to Anna, so he hits Brian with a chair so he’ll have an excuse to go see her. Chris explains what happened, and over Brian’s bleeding, crippled body Anna and Chris make up.
Best parts:
- Adam Wests’s cricket with RLS
- Chris singing “Crazy For You,” with the “bop-bop-bop-bah’s” provided by Quagmire, Joe and Cleveland
- Michael-J.-Fox-as-Zorro’s insignia
- Hasbro’s BEST THING EVER!
- “Pick that up and cook it into something delicious or knit it into something that’s useful to me!”
- “Define ‘Chris’…”
- Makin’ a 40s phone call
- Peter’s attempt to get the bullfrog out the window (it made me rofl a little…)
- Peter serenading Chris and his date with “Down Under”: “Look at me with a brand-new Hyundai”
