My Name Is Earl: Love Octagon

Posted by Ryan

Earl Love Octagon

Earl is out of his coma, and he’s eager to find Billie (Alyssa Milano), because karma says they should be together. Thinking the best way to track down Billie is to find her ex-boyfriend Frank (Michael Rapaport), Earl and Rany go to the halfway house where Frank and his buddy Paco currently live. Frank has to wear a shock collar that goes off when he strays too far from the house. But Paco has his collar removed when he goes to his delivery job at Camden Foreign Foods as Senor Lo Mein (one of Earl’s former jobs). Earl explains that he wants to date Billie, and Frank seems cool with it — but in exchange for helping to find Billie, Earl has to get Frank a job so he can get out of the halfway house.

Earl gets Frank at job at the Crab Shack, then they start looking for Billie — the first place being at Billie’s cousin Jocelyn’s house. (Frank may have had sex with Jocelyn while he and Billie were on a break. That’s quite a step down, but Jocelyn apparently has fantastic feet attached to those cankles.) Jocelyn explains that Billie got kicked out of nursing school for cheating and then robbed a liquor store on Christmas Day.

Using a phone number left on Jocelyn’s caller ID, they go to Gay Kenny’s place to trace the number on the Internet. The number appears to be a pay phone — and Kenny appears to be spending a lot of time on the web looking for DILFs. They go to stake out the pay phone, hoping Billie will show up again. Stuart Daniels (former cop, current bowler) walks past, and Earl explains that they’re looking for Billie. You may remember that it was Stuart who hit Billie with his car. Stuart started visiting Billie in the hospital and fell in love with her — but his love went unrequited. So in order to keep Billie with him, Stuart tells her that she killed Earl and he has to hide her from the police. Stuart and Billie hide out in the motel, where Catalina, recently converted to “Chapstick lesbian,” comes on to Billie in a scene that should’ve lasted a lot longer than it did. Stuart finds out that Earl lives two doors down, so he’s got to get Billie out of there.

Without any leads, Earl asks for help from karma. The phone rings, and it’s Gay Kenny. He knows where Billie is. She’s at Gay Kenny’s house. Stuart, taking advantage of Kenny’s “friendship” with him, hides Billie in his house.

Then a bunch of stuff happens: Earl and Frank fight over Billie, Billie ties up Stuart and Kenny, Catalina shows up for hot girl-on-girl action, and Earl tells Billie that karma wants them to be together. Earl says that when they lost their way, they found each other. And Billie wants to be with Earl, too. And Kenny and Stuart reveal their shared love of Jack Russell terriers. And Paco and her long-lost love Paco are reunited. And Frank and Jocelyn get back together. Ew.

Earl and Billie get married, and for the first time in a while, Earl thinks he’s right where karma wants him to be.

So now what? We know that Milano can’t possibly be a regular cast member — she’s in talks for starring in a comedy pilot for ABC. (She told us originally that she had only signed on for three more Earl episodes after the strike.) And the idea of Earl being married just seems as lousy as Earl in prison or Earl in a coma.

What We Learned: Bikini inspector uniforms are on sale at the mall, but you might need a license to be a beaver hunter.

Wisdom From Randy: Trees are bastards.

Crab Man Chronicles: Very little Crab Man in this episode, aside from his hiring and firing Frank.

Photo: Copyright © 2008 NBC Universal, Inc. All rights reserved. Credit: Peter Hopper Stone

About Ryan Berenz 2166 Articles
Member of the Television Critics Association. Charter member of the Ancient and Mystic Society of No Homers. Squire of the Ancient & Benevolent Order of the Lynx, Lodge 49, Long Beach, Calif. Costco Wholesale Gold Star Member since 2011.