Posted by Mike, Ryan and johnnysweeptheleg
You know, The Office isn’t just about laughs. The show provides a public service. Consider the open of last night’s episode. Thanks to Michael, we now know what to do if we ever see a shiny object underneath a car. In the best-case scenario, it’s a quarter. Worst case, it’s tinfoil, and you get gum in your hair and spend the morning getting your head slathered in peanut butter and massaged by Dwight. The lesson learned? Let it go.
That’s not Michael’s only problem. His re-entry into the dating world isn’t going so well. It seems the women he’s been meeting have lacked a certain Crawfordness. That’s right, he’s holding out for someone who is the equivalent to “an arty photograph of Cindy Crawford nude.” Good luck with that.
Ryan arrives in the office to discuss some problems with the Dunder Mifflin Infinity website — such as the social networking feature being infiltrated by sexual predators. He’s also making the Scranton employees work on Saturday to re-enter sales data on the site, which does not go over well with anyone. Jim, however, convinces everyone to stay a couple of hours late on Friday instead, since they’ll be able to get the work done quicker with Michael out of the way.
Where will Michael be? Well, after briefly contemplating a local option (“Would you have sex with Meredith? Do you think she’d keep it quiet?” he asks Jim), he decides to head to New York and go clubbing with Ryan and Dwight. Or as he puts it, “I am going to go get laid.” “With sex!” adds Dwight.
Initially Jim’s plan seems to be a success — until he and the rest of the staff find themselves locked in the parking lot and out of the office. He is forced to call the building’s security guard — Eddie/Evan/Hank/Edgar/Elliott … Chief? (Actually, it’s Hank) — to come and let them out, which he reluctantly agrees to do.
Michael and Dwight track down Ryan at the club, and to much surprise he greets them warmly (the first sign of what turns out to be an obvious drug problem). So warmly, in fact, that Michael feels the need to make sure Ryan isn’t mistaking them for someone else. Dwight is fascinated by Ryan’s diminutive friend Troy, who resembles a Hobbit. He spends most of the night asking questions like, “Do you live in a regular-size house” and “Do you have powers?” The rest of the night he spends hooking up with an amazon woman from the Jersey State varsity basketball team. (Northeast Regional Champs! Whoo!) Michael, on the other hand, strikes out with a girl who’s too young to be familiar with Back to the Future, and a woman who washes dogs for a living.
The night ends with Ryan, Michael, Dwight and the Hobbit getting kicked out of the club, and the employees being rescued by the cleaning crew (much to the dismay of Hank, who finally arrived to an empty parking lot).
Best Quote: “Mom, I’ve got to go. One of my friends is getting beaten up by some girls.” — Michael, for some reason talking to his mother on his cellphone while at the club
Best Moment: Meredith taking a football to the face from the inaccurate throwing arm of Pam Beesley. I’m a sucker for people getting hit in places with stuff. It’s why I always stop channel-surfing for at least a few minutes when I land on America’s Funniest Home Videos.
Employee of the week: Toby. The guy knows how to exit an awkward situation with grace. After lovingly stroking Pam’s knee in front of Jim and everyone else, he lets loose with: “I have an announcement to make. I am moving to Costa Rica. I’ve thought about it for a long time, and I’m finally going to do it. So … I’m just going to hop the fence and jog home now.” Smooth.
Best Quote: “This place is like a sexy preschool” — Michael on the crowd at Prerogative
Best Moment: Hank coming in to unlock the gate, and discovering everyone has already left. Sonofabitch!
Employee of the week: Dwight. He massages peanut butter into Michael’s hair, which is both gross and delicious. He goes to help Michael get laid … with sex! He thinks Ryan’s diminutive friend is a Hobbit. He makes out with one of the Amazons from the Jersey State varsity women’s basketball team. He was also well prepared for weevil season.
Best Quote: “I swear to God, if any of you hurts him in any way emotionally or taunts him or makes fun of his height or his half-beard …” — Michael Scott lecturing the group on Ryan. Although, I admit, he could have been lecturing the group on yours truly.
Best Moment: While I agree with Mike on Meredith getting Marcia Brady’d in the face by Pam, I have to go with a Dwight moment. How hilarious is it that Dwight is the one to get everyone into the club, while simultaneously keeping little Troy from getting stepped on?!
Employee of the week: Ryan Howard. Ryan is quickly following in the dysfunctional footsteps of his predecessor, Jan. First, his Dunder Mifflin Infinity website fell prey to some predators. And now it appears Ryan has a problem with the nose candy. Luckily, unlike Jan, Ryan has yet to spend the night with Michael. Oh wait …