Posted by Ryan
Earl is still in a coma, and his mind is still playing out The Hickeys sitcom. In it, Earl mistakes Billie’s gynecologist for a gigolo, and Billie gives birth to Earl’s child — who, this time, is actually his own color and looks like him. The Hickeys will hopefully be canceled very soon.
So while Earl is comatose, Randy is going to cross off some list items so Earl stays in karma’s favor. Using Earl’s drool, he selects “Stole a Motorcycle.”
A while ago, while out on a “crime walk,” Earl and Randy found a motorcycle with the keys in it outside the shop of Orange County Choppers. So they took the bike out joyriding, and then tied one on with beer, malt liquor and tequila. They woke up in the back of a school bus the next morning.
So Randy has to find the motorcycle and return it. He visits Jasper, a costumer that they tried to sell the stolen bike to. Jasper doesn’t know where the bike is, but he remembers that he let Randy take a chicken suit in exchange for the chain off the motorcycle.
Randy and Earl then went out to do some “general jackassery,” Earl driving the bike into the Crab Shack and Randy in a chicken suit exacting some revenge on customers who are “eating his babies.” In an appropriate tribute, Earl performed The Chicken Dance.
Darnell somehow connects the incident with Homeless Joe, recently wed to Shopping Cart Kim. So Randy finds Joe, who remembers Earl and Randy driving around in little go-carts that night. Earl (wearing chicken-suit pants) got into a throwdown with Randy, and Earl threw Randy into the road in the path of an oncoming truck … which turned out to just be two motorcycles that swerved around them. Randy is horrified to learn that Earl tried to kill him, and he wants to know why.
Since the only people who drive wacky go-carts around there (at least since Edwin the town dwarf died) are the Knights of Camden, Randy, Darnell and Joy head over to their lodge, where a few old Knights sit around gathering dust. One of them remembers how Randy stumbled into one of their new-member parties, drank heavily and did the Limbo with them. Then, Earl came storming in and attacked Randy with an underpants-entangled TV antenna. Randy escaped in one of the go-carts parked outside, and Earl chased after him with another. Now Randy is terribly hurt, mad and sad (“terhurtsible,” with a touch of “sangry”) that Earl tried to kill him. The old Knight of Camden also remembers Randy had tar on his shoes, because he tracked it all over their dance floor. Joy also recognizes the TV antenna as the infamous “Pantenna.”
The Pantenna was a tradition in the trailer park. After girls hooked up with a guy, they would shoot their panties at the TV antenna — it was true love if the panties stuck on it. This leads Randy, Joy and Darnell to the trailer park, where they climb up on top of a trailer to discover the bike, a bunch of panties and parts of a chicken suit. And then it all came back to Randy.
Earl and Randy had finished the general jackassery and needed to hide the stolen bike. So what better place than on top of a trailer? Earl constructed a ramp and used a chainsaw chain on the bike to drive it on the roof. They stashed the bike, but the cops showed up before they could escape. Earl got the hiccups from being nervous and drunk, and their cover was about to be blown. So Randy held Earl’s nose shut until he passed out. Randy though he’d killed Earl, so he took off. Earl woke up, grabbed the Pantenna off the roof, and chased after Randy, who left tar footprints on his way to the Knights of Camden hall.
Randy returns the motorcycle to Orange County Choppers, then heads back to the hospital to visit Earl. Randy is remorseful about trying to kill Earl, and he apologizes. Earl squeezes Randy’s hand — a good sign that he’ll be getting out of this coma soon.
Not soon enough, in my opinion. This really would’ve been an outstanding episode had all of the general jackassery, the chicken suit and the Pantenna happened outside the already very tired story arc of Earl in a coma and The Hickeys.
What We Learned:
No Motorcycles. No Chicken Suits. No Exceptions.
Sharon Stone did flash her undersmile in that one movie.
Wisdom From Randy: Peanut Butter wouldn’t try to kill Jelly. They’re in the same sandwich!
Crab Man Chronicles: Darnell knows that witches float, thanks to the witch hysteria that grips Camden County every two years.
Photo: Copyright © 2008 NBC Universal, Inc. All rights reserved. Credit: Justin Lubin