Go-Sees Come Early To ANTM

by WindUpDoll

The title of this episode of America’s Next Top Model is: ‘If You Can’t Make It Here, You Can’t Make It Anywhere.’ That’s right! Tonight is early go-see episode!

We begin with Whitney talking about how America is ready for a plus-size Top Model. Oh, Whitney. Dominique thinks Whitney is intimidated by Dominique’s confidence. Oh, Dominique. Lauren was disappointed in Claire’s display at panel. Oh, Lauren.

The Who Does The Dishes Argument! Fatima made coffee for herself, and apparently Lauren tossed it out by accident. Fatima, rightly, wants Lauren to just say she did it. Lauren goes off the handle. Someone appears to be cranky in the morning.

Some woman from Elle introduces the ‘go-see’ concept to the girls. The girls will get a Sprint navigational cell phone and have to go in groups of four. They also have to walk. Thanks Sprint! GPS will surely help these girls out! Stacy-Ann LOVES this phone! She so needs it! Team 2 decides to rely solely on the Sprint phone, and not ask Lauren, the girl from Brooklyn, to help out. That’s a plan, girls.

Team 1 is

Team 2 is

Lauren recognizes that she walks like Lurch and still has confidence issues. Pamela Rolland loves Stacy-Ann and Dominique. She likes Claire, but doesn’t think she would book her. Whitney gets told that she wouldn’t get booked for a runway show because they never book size 10s for runway. Whitney blah, blah, blahs about discrimination. Hm, it’s really not discrimination, it’s show business. If you don’t have the right look, you don’t get hired. That goes for brown hair or big legs or whatever the person hiring you for the job is not looking for. Dominique is enjoying seeing Whitney break down.

Anya is amazed that by working as a team it was much easier to get to their next go-see. Team one visits Shoshanna and Claire asks a lot of questions. Shoshanna makes sure she’s comfortable without wearing a bra. That’s a wise idea. Put the plus size girl in a dress without a bra.

Team two at Pamela Rolland — Lauren still walks like Lurch, Fatima’s too small. It’s a bit boring compared to the other team.

We’re tied, apparently, so we have a go-see off with one final designer. This designer doesn’t like Dominique, likes Katarzyna and thinks Lauren walks like a horse.

At the end of the day, they get to meet the editor of Seventeen. Each team has their strengths and their weaknesses, but Team number 1 comes out on top. Stacy-Ann ‘booked’ the most shows. They get to do a Seventeen photo spread on the looks of summer. Dominique is all excited.

Lauren is all stressed out because of her whack walk. She’s getting a lot of face time. They come to this warehouse and Mr. Jay is running on a treadmill. Anya calls him a Silver Robot. He brushes past other models, breaks through a paper wall. It’s a photo shoot designed to get them to break through. All hair & makeup will be removed for the photo shoot. They’ve tied in with the new show Fuerza Bruta, by the same folks that brought you De La Guarda. If you haven’t seen it, it’s fabulous.

Claire is up first and she does the way dumb thing of doing a belly flop onto this watery mylar above Jay’s head. He repeated tells the girls to take it easy & be careful — you know, the basics like keep your nose out of the water. Claire has to take a break. Dominique is up and wisely just lays down on the water. She ‘rocks it!’ Claire thinks she can go, but she kind of lays there and flails her arms.

Lauren doesn’t do well — she’s squinty and blows tons of bubbles. Anya gets the note to angle her feet so that they don’t look like flippers. Katarzyna freaks out about having her hair cut, but it looks so much better short. She gets comfortable and does a good job. Whitney gets called incredible. Stacy-Ann is stiff. It’s hard to do a series of 5 poses face down in a puddle. Apparently Fatima can pose without thinking about things too much, at least in Jay’s eyes.

Panel time! Tyra rips Claire for flopping and messing up her neck. Stacy-Ann gets called on for trying too hard. Paulina mentions that the weird Eastern European tackiness is now gone with her new hair. I would have to agree, but she’s not wearing any Baby Phat. Whitney is called a ‘full-figured fetus’ by Miss Jay. Dominique’s tights are too sheer and Nigel calls her hair Something About Mary. Lauren can’t get a word out about the photo shoot. She’s just a mumbling mess. Fatima has a great shot, but can’t give an angled pose in front of the judges. Anya is ‘H2O-no-you-didn’t!’ which is apparently a good thing, coming from Tyra.

And Claire’s reign has ended — being snarky did NOT pay for her. But it paid for Katarzyna, as she’s this week’s winner.

Time to talk behind the girl’s backs. Claire is called a one-note wonder. Stacy-Ann’s jaw may be too square. Katarzyna is lovely, but no personality. Tyra and Nigel argue about Fatima. Anya looks like a nymph-elf whose head is on fire. Paulina calls Lauren slightly less Frankenstein-y. And so, it’s time to call them up in a very serious Tyra fashion. We get: Fatima, Anya, Katarzyna (who I’m realizing now looks a lot like Katie Holmes), Whitney, Stacy-Ann, Dominique. We’re left with Claire and Lauren. Tyra draws this moment out as usual. Wow! Claire gets the boot. Oh, snap! Claire’s brattiness, and her decision to do a dumb belly flop, I think ruined her chances.

She talks about being sad, but she wasn’t showing it. She thinks it’s crazy that she’s going home. Oh, Claire, they all say that. Next week, Fatima has legal problems, and Lauren has issues with a kitchen knife. Anya says she cuts her finger off. I think she may be exaggerating.