Survivor: Fans vs. Favorites, Week 7: The Wizard Ozzy

On Malakal, Tracy thinks Ozzy is too controlling — he decides when the tribe eats, what the tribe eats, when the chickens will be killed. She thinks he’ll win the game unless they get him out of there.

Erik, meanwhile, idolizes Ozzy, who is taking the young ice cream scooper under his wing. Cirie can’t come up with enough figurative language to describe the situation — stardust comes out of Erik’s mouth when he says Ozzy’s name; the two are like the father teaching his cub in The Lion King; “I think if Ozzy were to propose marriage to Erik right now — done deal.” Erik eagerly gobbles up every word of instruction his idol feeds him, and Ozzy encourages his student with praise such as “Good job, dude” and “We got good nuts now!” (Oh, I should mention that Ozzy is teaching Erik how to chop down coconuts.)

There’s some scene with Ozzy wanting to move the boat, and Cirie helping out but freaking a little with how far away they are from shore when Ozzy decides to fish on a reef. Cirie later mentions to Amanda that this incident proves how controlling Ozzy is. I didn’t quite get that, but Amanda says she agrees.

The reward challenge involves two players from each tribe directing their blindfolded tribemates as they roll a giant Micronesian money stone through a course that releases smaller money stones, which are used to solve a puzzle. Cirie directs the stone-rolling on the Malakal tribe, which doesn’t seem like a good idea at first, since she doesn’t realize that her left is her tribemates’ right, but Malakal still wins and goes on a trip to the Herbal Essences spa.

On the reward, the players enjoy food and cleanliness. Erik is particularly joyous, and Ozzy says to the camera that he’s proud their victory allowed Erik to experience this. Amanda, Ami and Ozzy shower together; Cirie describes the sight as “a couple pair of boobs and Ozzy’s head smack-dab in the middle. The only thing funnier was Erik drooling.”

After the reward challenge, Jason and Tracy are sent to Exile Island. What’d they do there? We have no idea, because over on the Airai camp, Kathy has a meltdown. She’s weary from all the rain and dirt and bats and rats and crawly things and stench. She says, “Never in a million years would I ever do this twice” and concludes that going on Survivor was “the stupidest thing I’ve ever done in my life.” She tries to send vibes to get strength from her daughter, but she can’t feel her family, and she can’t find the strength to go on. James hugs her, and the other girls try to comfort her (I keep hoping that Alexis the motivational speaker will say something motivating), but Kathy says she can’t stay another minute. Jeff Probst is summoned, and Kathy leaves the game.

The immunity challenge is another variation of the “collect pieces to solve a puzzle” motif, this one with a player riding a bundle of puzzle pieces through the water (or, for players not named Ozzy, awkwardly clinging to the side of the bundle) while their tribemates reel them to shore using a giant winch. Ozzy retrieves the first two bundles for Malakal, and then points at Erik to be his successor, but he doesn’t do as well. Ozzy, visibly disappointed in his young disciple, gets the final two bundles. Thanks to Ozzy, Malakal gets its pieces collected first, but once Eliza’s eyes get that puzzle-solving glint, Airai catches up and wins.

Back at camp, Amanda, Ami and Cirie approach Ozzy. Amanda tells Ozzy she feels bad about not solving the puzzle, and he says, “That’s all right — none of us are going home.” He says he thinks Tracy’s the obvious pick, since he’d like to keep his nut-buddy Erik.

Huh. That’s odd. I just rewatched the tape — when Ozzy tells Amanda, Ami and Cirie that he’d like to keep Erik, they ask him, “So then who do we choose?” Why would they ask that? Tracy’s the only non-Erik person not in their conversation. Was this just for the benefit of the audience? Is this like a soap opera, where the dialogue is strangely descriptive among people who already know the situation?

Some heavy scheming follows, where Ami plans to agree with Amanda and Cirie to vote out Erik, and if Ozzy and Erik vote against Tracy, then Ami, Tracy and Erik will blindside Ozzy. Tracy tells Erik that he’ll be voted out next unless he votes against Ozzy, and Amanda also looks like she’s debating voting against Ozzy. Or maybe Erik.

Got all that? It doesn’t matter. Tracy’s voted out 5-1, and the wonderful wizard Ozzy survives another coup attempt.

Photo: © 2007 CBS Broadcasting Inc. All Rights Reserved