by WindUpDoll
Cheesy group number starts the results show! The guys begin with ‘While My Guitar Gently Weeps,’ which explains the mystery of why none of them picked it this week. The girls start with ‘Here, There And Everywhere’ and for some reason the crew doesn’t think Ramiele’s mic should be turned on. Kristy actually sounds ok because she’s just singing and not trying to ‘do’ something. Amanda doesn’t sound like she’s singing at all — her mouth is barely moving. Then the group sings ‘Because,’ which sounds way pre-recorded. Amanda does a little ‘solo’ of ‘In The End’ for no reason. That didn’t sound pre-recorded. They finish with a Wisconsin Singers arm-raise. They’re so positive! And speaking of positive, Chicken Little is in the house! Hey! Raise the roof, Chicken Little!
Blah, blah, blah, there’s so much blather in these results shows. Can they be a half-hour again, please? Brooke is safe, Carly could be in trouble (not), David is fine, Michael Hot Tranny Mess Johns is safe. Snooze.
We have to take a break in the action by showing what it’s like to film a Ford commercial. It’s very wholesome and cold. Then we get the excitement of seeing the commercial. Why is Chikezie driving Three Miss Daisy’s around? That’s what Kathy wants to know. I want to know why it’s all styled in the ’40s when they’re driving Explorers. It’s not like people don’t get visited by aliens now. Arizona has a nice little tourist business around aliens.
Oh, wait, back to the ‘action.’ David Cook — safe. Kristy — hopefully going home. Jason Dred Boy is safe. Ramiele is safe. I’m exhausted — commercial time! Oh, boy, calls from the general public AND Pick Pickler? How can I be so lucky.
Cheryll Ann asks Simon why he spends so much money on cars & not much on clothes. Sigh. He says that unlike others on the show, he doesn’t have an ego, so he doesn’t think about what he wears. Man these questions are stupid. The next question asker has this rambling thing about the kiss between Paula and Simon. Simon answers in the way to make it as uncomfortable as possible. Then one of the contestants — Ramiele — gets a question. It’s stupid, too. Oh man, can this stop? Please? It’s so stupid. A 49-year-old asks Michael Johns if his American Idol experience has been everything he hoped for. Blech.
Oh goodie, Ryan makes a joke about Pickler’s boob job. We get reminded of Simon calling her a ‘naughty little minx.’ And her dining experience with Wolfgang Puck, getting freaked out by lobsters. She’s singing ‘Red High Heels.’ Of course she is. I gotta say, though, I like her dress. It’s cute, and I look good in red. I’ll admit something else to you, dear readers. I had to mute it. Nasally is a form of singing, but not one I want to hear. She flirts with Simon, goes up on the stage part behind the judges, then flirts with Randy, showing her backside. Blech. This is a long country song. She just doesn’t stop singing, and I don’t think this time would be going any faster if I were listening to the whole thing, I really don’t.
Then we get Elliott and Fantasia in Africa giving out supplies through Idol Gives Back. While I think the sentiment is nice and everything, and it’s sweet to see Elliott get all misty about a baby being named after him, this whole thing still makes me feel a little dirty. Their co-sponsor is Exxon Mobile. Again, not saying they can’t do good things. I just feel dirty. The main reason I feel dirty is that I can’t find objective information about how they raised money, what their expenses are, how the money is distributed — you know, the basic things I would expect to be able to learn about a charity I was thinking of contributing to. I’d love it if American Idol made some of that information public.
Back to the ‘business’ at hand. Syesha is safe. Amanda and Chikezie are called to the stage and Chikezie is safe. Amanda rounds out the bottom three.
Carly gets sent into the top 10 right away, ’cause it was stupid to make her wait any more. And then Kristy Lee Cook becomes this year’s John Stevens. Or Round Mound of Sound. Or Haley Scarnato. Or Chicken Little. You get the point. She’s safe, when she, once again, should’ve gone home. Amanda is out of the show, and out of the Idol tour.
I think what took out Amanda Overmyer was saying ‘ballads are boring.’ Ballads are what get girls through, and generally the winner sings a ballad written for them. Admitting you don’t like ballads is like saying you don’t want to be the American Idol. Sorry, folks, if you go to the Idols Summer tour, you’ll have to hear Kristy sing. It’s your fault, though — I’m still Switzerland this season. Amanda gets to sing out her ‘Back In the USSR,’ and she performs like she really can’t be bothered. Maybe it’s because she doesn’t have her monitors in and can’t hear. Hard to tell.
Can next week be Kristy’s swan song? Please? Help a sister out, America.
