I Need A Wind Machine As American Idol Girls Go Back To The 80s

by WindUpDoll

Now it’s the girls’ turn to take on the ’80s. First up is Asia’h, and her most embarrassing moment involved roller skating. Way to tie into the ’80s theme. She’s singing ‘I Wanna Dance With Somebody.’ She’s rocking the trendy high-waisted pants. Paula is dancing. Will anyone take on a Paula song? We’ll have to wait and see. Asia’h is just ok. Randy of course drops that he recorded that song. He thinks Asia’h was hot. Ok, and I have to ask what the apostrophe is for in her name. I’ll likely never get an answer to that one. Paula says she nailed it. Simon calls her second-rate Whitney Houston.

Number two is Kady Malloy. She thought she was going home last week, but here she is. Her most embarrassing moment was a high school talent audition where she butchered a song & then took out the whole amp system to boot. Yeah, that would be embarrassing. She’s singing ‘Who Wants to Live Forever’ by Queen. It’s hard enough for a guy to do Queen. Kady just put herself completely behind the 8 ball by being a girl doing Queen. It’s really not good. Randy gives her the ‘interesting choice’ comment. Paula calls it her best performance. For Paula, the magic is her tender spots. Thank you, Paula. Simon’s still having issues with her massive lack of personality when she’s singing. I’ve been having issues with her lack of personality this whole time.

Amanda Overmyer’s most embarrassing moment was burning down a pool. Who’s surprised she’s doing Joan Jett? No one, that’s who. She’s singing ‘I Hate Myself For Loving You.’ She’s toned down the makeup, but she has to do that scream thing she’s becoming known for. It’s ok, but one of these days she’s going to have to sing a ballad. That’ll be an interesting day. Kathy points out that Joan Jett is twice her age & looks way better than her. Randy & Paula are totally in love with her. Simon thinks it was fantastic — perfect song, perfect performance. Ryan tells someone to get Amanda’s binki, because she’s not smiling enough after getting all that praise.

Carly had her leg greased by a friend on a balcony. It was apparently embarrassing. She’s singing ‘I Drove All Night’ for some reason. It’s not my favorite Cyndi Lauper. I would’ve rather heard her sing ‘Sisters of Avalon’ or something, even though I know that’s not an ’80s song. Randy and Paula are all ga-ga in love with her, too. Simon brings the reality of poor song choice. He remembers the Celine Dion version, which wasn’t what she did. He calls her a million times better than the song. I agree. I think ‘Total Eclipse of the Heart’ would’ve been a better choice.

Kristy Lee Cook used to pretend she was a dog. She had her own dog bowl that she drank out of. I’m going to stop writing now, as this could get bad fast. She’s playing the Journey trump card by singing ‘Faithfully.’ At least the first half of Randy’s comments will be about playing with Journey. That’s embarrassing. I’ve got Steve ‘I never felt like I was part of the band’ Perry’s face on Kristy’s body. It’s disturbing. But I like her shirt. She did an ok job with it. Paula & Simon are so bored they started to cuddle. Paula’s got nothing but positivity. Simon still thinks that she’s forgettable & will only make it to about 10th. That’s fine with Kristy.

Ryan picks on Ramiele for being short. Kettle, this is pot. Ramiele rode her pink bike to a boy’s house & left her picture. He, and his mom, laughed at it. That’s just sad, but you know he’s way kicking himself now. She’s singing ‘Against All Odds.’ Why is Phil Collins getting so much Idol time this season? Is he releasing a new album or something? Ramiele is two million times better than this song. Randy says she was thinking too much. Paula gets flustered by just about everything. It takes her forever to spit out that she thinks she should go on to be in the top 12. Simon thought it was old-fashioned, but that it worked on one level because she’s little & cute. He’s not jumping out of his chair, though.

Brooke White threw her arms around a guy outside of church. She thought it was her dad. It wasn’t. She’s taking the bold step of singing ‘Love is a Battlefield.’ She does it a bit ballady & doesn’t dress like a hooker whose dress & hair got caught in a shredder. She also doesn’t wage a shimmy war against her slimy pimp. Those are good choices. By the way, if you want to read a really fun book that uses ‘Love is a Battlefield’ prominently, check out Laurie Notaro’s first novel. Randy doesn’t think she brought anything new to the song. Other than making it completely different, she didn’t bring anything new. Paula wanted her to incorporate more of the band, instead of just using the guitar player. Simon completely disagrees & says that she made a good choice with the guitar player, which made it original. It’s like I’m reading Simon’s mind.

Last is Syesha Mercado. Her most embarrassing moment was writing a letter to a crush. The guy told on her to the teacher and ate the piece of gum that was in the note. Well, that just proved that he’s a dog, Syesha. She’s singing ‘Saving All My Love For You.’ It’s ok, but it’s pretty much the Whitney Houston version. Especially coming after Brooke, it sounds really unoriginal. I like you, Syesha, but that was boring. Randy calls it good. Paula says sophisticated & lovely. Simon says unpredictable but good. Literally, that was it. They must’ve been running out of time.

So based on that, I’m thinking Kady, and I’m not sure who else will be gone. Depends on if the country fans will come out for Kristy, and if Asia’h fans will come out for her. But really, it’s anyone’s night.

Tomorrow, the axe. Oh, and Blake will beat box for us! Squeal! And a cheesy ’80s group number! This, is American Idol.


  1. It’s kind of like Julia Roberts & prostitution. Man, did I think that experience would be different….

  2. I’ve waged a shimmy war against a slimy pimp before. It’s not as glamorous as Pat Benatar made it out to be.

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