by WindUpDoll
America’s Next Top Model is shaking things up by bringing everyone to New York City. Kim insists that she’s not dumb, and she feels really special. The girls meet at a cafe and get a note from a messenger with directions to the Top Model house. There’s a lot of screeching.
There’s a lot of inspirational sayings on the walls and the floor. For some reason this cycle, Tyra has decided to give the girls one big room with bunk beds and then another room with a gigantic bed to be shared. Well played, Tyra — there hasn’t been enough girl on girl action on ANTM in the past couple of seasons.
We quickly get a smoking controversy — there’s a no smoking sign on some glass doors. A few girls have the NERVE to go outside and smoke. Shocking! Apparently this isn’t a non-smoking cycle.
The Jays show up and take the girls on a tour of NY. It ends up in Times Square where the girls are told they are going to be doing a runway show in the middle of Times Square. It’s for Badgley Mischka, and I’ve actually heard of them!
There’s a runway in the street, and maybe 50 thrilled tourists on one side of the runway. I imagine in the raw audio there are many cabbies swearing at the runway throughout the show. Marvita starts the show and she looks awful. She knows Miss Jay will be on her like white on rice. Kim tells us that she doesn’t believe in spending so much on an outfit, as she’s wearing $700 shorts.
There are just too many girls at this point. They’re getting all uppity with each other, and at this point, I don’t know quite enough about them to care. We’ll have to wait a bit to see who survives. Then I’ll care.
This cycle the Tyra mail comes in on a little LED screen, like your school might use to announce an upcoming Mac & Cheese special in the cafeteria. Don’t remember what the message said, but the girls are whisked off to Elite to get critiqued. They will be critiqued by the new judge — Paulina Porizkova. She’s ripping the band aid off early. She calls Dominique a trans version of another model. She calls Kim High School Musical. After getting ripped on, they have to catch a cab and go to their first photo shoot. Of course, it’s a stretch cab. Fatima and Marvita continue to snipe at each other.
Mr. Jay is looking very Matrix-wannabe in an uber-cool black trench. Their focus is homeless youth. They will be modeling with a homeless person. The models will be in street clothes, and the homeless girls will be in high fashion. The first model thinks that she’s going to be perfect. Oh, youth. Other girls actually have had experience with homelessness, which brings a bit more depth to their photos. And then there are the girls who don’t get how to pose, period, regardless of what they’re supposed to be feeling.
Tyra Mail! The girls read them together. I feel like I’m at Blue Man Group and “White Rabbit” is scrolling along — The phrase ‘You’re the type of person who ruins sing-alongs for the rest of us.’ Kim admits to having a problem with spending a lot of money on clothes. Yeah, Kim, I’m kind of with you on that, but I don’t have illusions of being a model either.
We’re in the judging room, and it’s the usual blah, blah, blah. Miss Jay has a vest with all the contestants’ names on it. He’ll be removing them as the girls go home. Paulina is introduced as the new judge. Tyra was apparently homeless for a day on her talk show, so that’s why she’s so involved.
The girls get their critiques, and it’s classic Top Model stuff. Dominique gets the Dragelicious from Miss Jay. Miss Jay also says Claire is holding her hand in a way in her picture that looks like she’s holding in a fart. Kim admits that she’s not into the whole fashion thing. Tyra asks why she’s there. She then says that she doesn’t find this interesting. Tyra asks if she wants to go home. Kim says yes and goes. There will still be an elimination. So that ‘extra’ girl didn’t really do anything to extend the Top Model season. Makes me wonder if Tyra planned it all along.
In judging, Miss Jay calls Dominique Tragic Tranny. That’s the highlight of the judging. I won’t bore you with listing the girls. We do have an editing snafu, as Miss Jay is shown with Kim’s name on his vest. Finally we get down to Amis and Atalya. Amis is in, boring Atalya is out. But she’s from Brooklyn, so it’s not like home is that far away.
Twelve girls remain in the running toward becoming America’s Next Top Model. Next week is makeover meltdown. Sweet.
