10 Items Or Less: Illegal Alien

Posted by Ryan

10 Items Or Less

Leslie is taking very creepy photos of G&G employees for a promotional calendar. This year, they’re American historical figures. Todd is Paul Revere, the first American sex symbol. Sex sells. Sex sells food. Sex sells liverwurst and ant killer. Leslie gives Todd $300 to take his shirt off.

Ingrid and Amy are arguing about who gets to be Betsy Ross. Ingrid wins out, and Amy is stuck with the oversized frumpy Martha Washington outfit. The right woman won because Ingrid is a smoking hot Betsy Ross. Todd invites Ingrid into the freezer to, you know, have sex.

Leslie doesn’t want the calendar to be about history, but about “her story,” so he puts Ingrid on the calendar’s cover. Amy’s jealous that Ingrid looks awesome, even if she does look like a “colonial stripper.” Amy and Leslie get into an argument about who’s more American. It seems Leslie has run for Senate six times, and lost.

Ingrid’s not very comfortable with being a sex symbol, having random customers come up to compliment her on her cleavage. And it seems Ingrid doesn’t know anything about American history, as she has no clue who Betsy Ross is. Embarrassed, Ingrid runs off crying.

We find out that Ingrid’s not really an American citizen. Leslie’s dad hired her with a fake social security number. She was born in Poland, but her family crossed the border from Canada into the U.S. Most people just assumed she wasn’t too bright because she was home schooled. Amy overhears that Ingrid is an illegal alien, and calls the police. Officer Chet shows up and Amy forces him to arrest Ingrid. But Ingrid doesn’t stay arrested for long, and she hides out in the dairy case.

Leslie asks Yolanda for help, thinking that surely she has some illegal alien friends from Mexico, because she speaks Mexican. Yolanda is Puerto Rican, and hasn’t even been to Mexico. So much for that. Todd and Buck think intimidation might be the best way to handle this, so they tell Officer Chet that some “accident” may befall his prize-winning roses unless he forgets about this Ingrid business. Desperate, Leslie asks Ingrid to marry him so she can become an American citizen. No deal.

Amy brings out the big guns now and calls in two INS agents. Yolanda takes one for the team, declaring that she’s Mexican and an illegal alien. After Yolanda tussles with the agents, Ingrid finally gives herself up. The INS guys hold the crew in custody for questioning. Turns out that Amy has a tax evasion problem and a little online poker habit that has netted $27,000 in unreported winnings.

The charges against Ingrid are dropped, and Leslie pushed the paperwork through to sponsor her for citizenship. Amy’s not so lucky: She’s has been charged with tax evasion, and according to Leslie, she’s been sent to a work camp. Hey, what’s more American than jail?

Best Moment: Leslie: “We’re Americans. We don’t think first. We just kill.”

Employee of the Week: Ingrid. She looks really very … ample … as Betty Betsy Ross.

Product Placement: Hot Pockets! They’re an American snack, and, in large quantities, they can be heated up and used as bedding.

Photo: ™ & © Turner Broadcasting System, Inc. A Time Warner Company. All Rights Reserved. Credit: Art Strieber

About Ryan Berenz 2105 Articles
Some things I like (in no particular order): Sports, Star Wars, LEGO, beer, 'The Simpsons' Seasons 1-13, my family and the few friends who are not embarrassed to be seen with me. Why yes, I am very interested in how much you like 'Alaskan Bush People.' #LynxForLife