ANTM Moves To The Big Apple

by WindUpDoll

We’re up to Cycle 10 of America’s Next Top Model, and this time we’re in New York. I like how ANTM just jumps into it. There’s not a lot of lead-up, we just get right into meeting the girls, and the girls get to meet the ‘Jays.’ They’re going to be attending Top Model prep. They get uniforms! Squeal!

I won’t be telling you all of the nitty-gritty details of each potential contestant, as we’ll only be seeing them for about 5 seconds.

One girl thinks she’s got an edge because she went to Cornell. Somehow, I don’t think the powers of Cornell will help you here, honey. A girl named Kim wasn’t sure she was supposed to pose. When she was in front of a screen. With a camera in front of her. Might she be too dumb for Top Model? It has happened before.

Miss Jay is giving the ultimate crash course on runway, including imitating the really horrible walkers. I love it when she does that.

There’s this Amy girl who’s all excited about the bonfire on the football field. The Jays are joined by cheerleaders, who, of course, were girls from other seasons, including the twins. The Jays introduce the Homecoming Queen. One of the girls hopes she’s the Homecoming Queen. Hasn’t she seen the show? Tyra is the Homecoming Queen. Duh! She’s fabulous in the runny eye makeup & tiara all falling off her head. Love that. A girl from Waunakee plays along with Tyra about sleeping with her boyfriend. Go Waunakee.

Amy’s reveling in the fun and positivity. She also asks people if they want to see her pubic hair. She admits to not having much of a filter. That pretty much guarantees that she won’t win.

We have a little white girl freestyle. She’s crushin’ on Mr. Jay Manuel. Wow, she’s really bad.

Dominique wanted to be the Homecoming Queen. Other girls think she might have been a transsexual. When told to smile, she said that she doesn’t do that. She’s serious.

I think I have a new catchphrase — ‘E’reone got ghetto in them.’ The girl from Africa is flabbergasted by other girls behavior.

One contestant wants to show how to give a lap dance. So she gives one. To Mr. Jay. Yikes!

The girl who didn’t know she should pose in front of a camera works at a bank, and didn’t realize that when Tyra asked her if she ‘took’ money, she was talking about stealing.

We get an education in Female Genital Mutilation from our Somali contestant. I wouldn’t wish that on my worst enemy. When she tells the other girls what happened to her, they quit with the ‘ghetto’ crap, which is a good thing. Especially you, Country Club Hills. Marvita asks if she feels like less of a woman, which causes the rest of the girls to go ballistic.

One girl, Jenna, loves her Impala. She falls into the ‘keep your mouth shut’ category. Claire is a mom, and is pumping for her child. She claims to also be drinking her breast milk, so, of course all the judges are shown drinking milk. Ew.

Now the girls are getting ‘report cards’ to see who ‘passed’ and who didn’t. The two ghetto girls are going home, but some of the ‘look, don’t speak’ girls are still in.

The next competition is a tube-top competition where the girls have to style themselves with hair and makeup. Some girls do some really weird stuff, like give themselves black eyes or streaky tears. These images are the ones the judges will use to make their ‘final’ selections.

Aimee, Tyra says she’s got the noun and not the verb. Waunakee’s weird makeup gets her noticed. Did I mention Mr. Jay is in a gold vest & tie? One girl is called ‘sex on legs.’ Many girls shouldn’t be allowed to talk. Seriously.

In Tyra’s final selection ceremony, she’s in a gray dress with a huge chest cutout and princess collar. It’s kind of fierce. I won’t bother listing all the girls, as many sources like Zap2it already have. I can tell you that the girl who didn’t know what to do in front of a camera was NOT too dumb to make it. Tyra decides to take 14 instead of 13 girls. They’re going to New York City! Oh, and the plus-size girl thinks she’s gonna win. Good luck with that, honey.

We’re being promised the most shocking elimination ever. Ever! You better deliver, ANTM.