Getting Down To Business, American Idol Style

by WindUpDoll

Wow, what a start Idol. Great shill for the movie Jumper starring Hayden Christensen. Ohh, and then we get to see the contestants eating breakfast and discussing their collective lack of sleep!

We also get to see the very Versailles-like exterior to whatever building they’re in. I’m sure it’s all styrofoam.

The contestants are just like me! Actually they’re not, ’cause they can sing. Thanks, Ryan! And thanks for the elevator ride and walk demo. I had no idea just how it was done. Thanks for laying it down. You will be watched in the elevator, but try not to get creeped out by that. I realize that this is an ‘audition’ but you’d think that they could spring for a better chair for the contestants to sit in.

We start off by axing a bunch of people we haven’t seen. Ryan discusses how the contestants are worrying because no one is getting through. Now, as a contestant, I would be like ‘Yeah! One more spot not taken.’ Then we get the girl who had a record deal already. Somehow, I don’t think she has anything to worry about, but Paula completely tortures her by blabbing on and on and on. Nice job, Paula — and they call you the nice one. The nice one wouldn’t have made her walk all the way over & blab at her. Simon calls it by saying she tortured her. She did.

The rest of the show is a serious amount of Ryan speculation and blah, blah, blah. None of it really matters; it’s just a way to show a little more performance film & fill time. American Idol is very, very good at filling time. And selling ads, like for Jumper, and Coke.

The only real variable for this episode is when the contestant will have their breakdown. Before they even get in the room? In the room? On the ride down?

Twelve women:
Carly the previous record deal girl
Amanda the rocker chick
Kristy Lee, who I think was the horse girl
Brooke, the other blonde girl
Ramiele, the Asian girl
Syesha, the positive energy girl
Alexandrea Lushington. Great last name. I’ve been to Lushington a few times
Asia’h of the ’80s hair and cropped sweater
Joanne, the Moesha winning model
Some chick I missed because my VCR didn’t record enough. No, I don’t have a DVR.

Twelve men:
David Rocker dude with apparently a way pregnant wife
David the 16-year-old
Way Gay Christian, I mean, Danny
Wasted dred boy Jason. I mean, seriously, was he stoned?
Aussie Michael-not-Hutchence
Garrett the Lief Garrett
Robbie with the Kid Rock look
Jason with the John Henson spot
David Hernandez

My only surprise — Josiah the homeless kid doesn’t make it. After all the time they spent featuring him, it’s sad to see him go. Especially since you know he’s just going to go sleep in his car. Ryan shakes his hand. Oh, for crying out loud, hug the kid. They spend a lot of time filming his goodbye. Maybe someone will pick this kid up & give him a chance.

Another, not quite as big of a surprise, is Kyle, a.k.a Clay 2.0, also doesn’t make it. Simon’s mad about this one. Kyle is extremely gracious in his exit.

On the girls’ side, one surprise is Cardin, another person who had a deal, is also out. But really, if she noticed, there were a lot of tiny girls making it through. No larger girls, really, so Joanne was a bit of a shoo-in.

Well, we’re down to the top 24. Time to get brutal and start cutting, America. Remember, much as we want to, we can’t just vote for the one we want booted off.