American Idol Finally Goes To Hollywood

by WindUpDoll

We’re down to the final 164 on American Idol. Thankfully we won’t get to meet all of them. Ryan Seacrest just promised me a ‘brand new Hollywood week.’ As you can probably tell, I’ll believe that when I see it.

Contestants are up on stage, getting slapped to reality that most folks aren’t making it through. Apparently some folks are getting to perform once & get a pass to the end of the week. The rest are getting 2nd and 3rd chances. No one is getting cut until day 3. I’m hoping they don’t make me wait until tomorrow for ‘day 3’ and the chopping, Idol-style.

First up is never-seen-an-R-rated-movie girl. She’s going to play the song ‘Beautiful’ on a keyboard while she sings. It’s not the Christina Aguilera version, I don’t think. She gets a yes, so she gets to kick back & relax. And see R-rated movies and do all sorts of other stuff she would never do at home.

Then we get a series of folks who get ‘no’s out of the gate. But that doesn’t mean they’re out, folks, so don’t despair just yet. Apparently we’ve met some of these people, but without a split-screen of their audition, I sure don’t remember them. Fame sure is fleeting, isn’t it kids?

Yay! Simon tells someone they have the stage presence of a flea!

Ryan mentions that this is the first time instruments have been allowed on stage. It will also be the last time, as if folks are singing again, they have to do it without the musical crutch. Most folks play keyboards, some play guitars. Then we get a guy who thinks he’s Phil Collins and plays the drums. Well, actually, he sings about as good as Phil Collins. It’s just-just ok to Randy. Even Paula says it’s not her favorite. Simon uses the phrase ‘horrible, horrible’ a few times. But he’ll get another chance.

What I love about American Idol‘s Hollywood week is that most of these people sounded good when we saw them over the unending audition weeks. But when you get good up against good, you can tell who can actually sing. Like this guy from the San Diego auditions who’s up next. He just sings. It’s novel after all of the singer/musicians we’ve had. He gets to finish his song, which is usually a good sign. He also gets to coast until the end of the week.

Up next we’re featuring Harley-riding Terri-Nunn-hair nurse. Apparently she was in a pretty bad car accident just before heading to Hollywood. She’s singing ‘Light My Fire.’ I like her, but I have a feeling her style will wear thin sooner rather than later. Simon gives her the wise advice to learn a little variety so that every song doesn’t sound the same. But she doesn’t have to sing again until the end of the week.

Looks like we’re have a ‘I-can’t-remember-the-lyrics’ montage. We’ve got people making complete yutzes out of themselves. But we end on the South American transplant from Miami. He’s flirting with all of the ladies. I do remember this guy — he was distinctly told to work on his accent. He hasn’t worked on that as much as he’s worked on the flirting. He’s got a good voice, but the accent doesn’t help him. Simon compares him to a singing waiter. He’s got to sing again. He’s disappointed that he didn’t get to kiss Paula.

So now we see that the folks who get the pass to the end of the week will serve as the potential distraction to the folks who have to keep working and singing. Excellent. Brilliant planning, American Idol. Nothing more distracting than another person who did well and gets two days to putz around & enjoy hotel amenities.

Ryan Seacrest is calling this ‘hell week.’ ‘Hell’ and ‘hotel amenities’ don’t go together for me, but apparently they do for American Idol. We’re starting the next day’s auditions with the homeless British-sounding kid. He still sounds British, and he hunches a lot while he plays the keyboard. Posture, man, posture. Simon says he’s the one he’ll remember. He gets 100% yeses across the board. I’m wondering when his apparent meltdown that we’ve seen foreshadowed in commercials is coming. I’m hoping it’s a happiness meltdown & not a ‘my life is crushed’ meltdown.

Way gay boy from, I think, Atlanta apparently also gets a pass. As does the Asian girl who wants to trump Jasmine from Season 2. The girl who had a record contract before also makes it through. It also looks as though she had a blue Halls before singing. There’s all sorts of happiness in Hollywood right now. We’ll see how long it lasts *insert evil laugh here.*

We’re about halfway through the first go-around of contestants. The guy from Missouri singing now sounds like the bar singer he is. But they keep letting him sing. Oh, Simon doesn’t like it. Good, we’re snapping out of the love. But he’s through to the last day.

Apparently a lot of people are singing Bryan Adams. I can’t stand Bryan Adams. He’s icky and his songs are boring, but in the words of Simon, ‘It’s just my opinion.’

The last contestant of the day is the kid from Oklahoma who wants to be president. He’s way show choir, which never works. We get a shot of the judges and Paula’s not sitting next to Simon. I’m disappointed we didn’t get to see the spat that led up to that. Paula’s rambling on & on about his ‘spirit’ and Simon can’t take it and leaves.

Ryan foretells that it’s time to start cutting. Finally! Not that the show hasn’t been entertaining up until this point, but come on. It’s kind of like, what I’ve been told watching Titanic turns into. You sit through the whole movie, and when you hear ‘Iceberg, right ahead!’ you think, ‘Finally! People are going to start dying!’ Horrible, yes, but that’s what dramatizations can do. They can seduce you into hating perfectly nice people simply because telling their story has gotten too drawn-out and boring.

Forty-eight folks have gotten a pass to the final round. One hundred sixteen have to fight to stay alive. To fight, they sing a cappella in groups of 10 for a few seconds. One contestant calls it a bloodbath. Ask Zednick the hockey player what a bloodbath is.

In this first group are two of the single parents we’ve heard in previous auditions. One of these parents also has a mug shot. They do the whole some people step forward, some stay back. Both single parents are cut.

In the next group, we’ve got the girl who teaches abstinence. She’s got a vocal coach — someone who has auditioned previously. I don’t know how far her vocal coach made it through her season. Her vocal coach has selected the song for her; she doesn’t know it at all. That doesn’t seem like a smart plan. ‘Hey! Why don’t you sing this song you’ve never heard of, and therefore can only get a cursory idea of what the themes of the song are!’ It’s ‘Love Will Bring You Back.’ It doesn’t work for her. She’s one of two in her group that DOESN’T make it through. That’s gotta hurt, but, I would argue, not as much as a blade to the neck. Right, Zednick?

Lots of people are getting the axe, which generally only surprises the people who get the axe. I think Racine girl is coming back to Wisconsin. Oh, and we see the Lampkins! They’re big and fabulous. I love them! I haven’t seen enough of them. Both of them now have to fight for a spot. The sister is out in the morning. Before we find out about the brother, we need an update with one of the other single parents. Her father has died just before Hollywood week. Puts the idea of singing for a living into perspective. Our single mother is out, but Jeffrey Lampkin is giving a Hallelujah and is overjoyed and in.

Ryan keeps calling this the most dramatic Hollywood week. I’m not so sure that’s the case. There hasn’t been a group number. Anyone who watches Project Runway knows, nothing creates drama faster than making creative loners play nice with one another. It’s magic. We’ll see what happens with this drama, now that the slackers have to start singing again. Will all that time off have dulled their abilities? It’s time to find out.

The first thing I’m noticing is that there are a lot of people left. Apparently they’re trying to whittle down to 50 contestants. They have to sing with a band & backup singers. If the judges don’t like you, you’re gone. No more chances.

First up is a confident 16-year-old. He’s not nervous, and he’s singing yet another Bryan Adams song. Gack. It’s ‘Heaven’ which might be a bad choice, since it’s a bit slow and can be a bit bland. He sings well, even though I can’t stand that song. He gets passed to the next round.

The Oklahoma kid is still in it for some reason. Not sure how that happened. He’s still alive after singing ‘You Raise Me Up.’ Jeffrey Lampkin is singing ‘A Whole New World.’ Isn’t that perfect? But, it doesn’t work, and he’s out. The next contestant is fighting a migraine, which means being on the stage with the lights has got to be torture.

Syesha is still in, even though she’s having big problems with her voice. She saves things up to power through ‘Chain of Fools,’ even adding unnecessary runs at the end. It’s enough to keep her in the running.

Next up is the Australian guy. He’s singing ‘Bohemian Rhapsody.’ I can’t hear that song without thinking of a show I saw in New York that involved acting out that particular song. It was hilarious, so it takes the intense edge off the song for me. As does ‘Wayne’s World.’ He’s in.

Lots of people are in right now, which means the later folks are going to have to fight even harder to get a spot. Why Idol had to take to the streets to show us the fat guys gyrating, I have no idea.

We get a recap of Carly’s, ahem, visa issues that kept her out of Season 5. Whatever. She apparently went to the doctor & found out that she’s allergic to her dog, and that’s been affecting her voice. She’s singing ‘Alone’ by Heart. She, and her dust mask, make it through.

Asia’h gets through, and so do her mall bangs. I love the ’80s. We also learn that Brooke the beauty queen is still in it. She sings ‘Unchained Melody.’ If she’s seen the show at all, she knows it’s one of Simon’s favorites, so she’s in dangerous territory. And then she tries the high note. It’s not good. Simon for some reason wants her in. Randy doesn’t. Paula actually casts the deciding vote, and she says no. Brooke of course wonders why she didn’t get a fair chance. She did, that’s probably what hurts more.

Homeless kid didn’t find a song until 3:30am. THAT’s why he has a breakdown. I would, too. Of course, I would’ve been in bed by 10. He gets a bit dressed down by the vocal coach, but they want to help him. He goes on unrehearsed. He wisely asks the band to leave. He sings ‘Stand By Me’ a cappella. I can hear why the band had problems, as he’s doing it quite differently. Randy doesn’t get it. Simon calls him overconfident, and he starts to cry. He must’ve told them the situation, as all 3 judges let him through, and Paula mentioned ‘the circumstances.’

So next we get judge deliberation. I don’t know if they’re deliberating to get down to that first 50, or down to the 24. I’m assuming tomorrow will give us the final-final deliberation to get down to the 24, and this is just the first 50.

Well, I don’t think they’re going to tell us. Instead we’re going to get the ‘isn’t this emotional’ montage. Emotional, and crazy clothes. What was up with the black & white horizontal stripes and red beret?

Apparently the top 50 won’t be singing again. They’ll just be facing the Polaroid competition. The judges fight over pictures. Oh, man, does that mean I’ll be watching an hour of people riding an elevator & walking across a ballroom? C’mon now, Idol. Wait, what am I saying? This is a show that stretches a 5-second elimination reveal into a half hour. Oh, well, I guess I knew what I was in for when I agree to blog American Idol.