Posted by Lori
With barely a month left in which to build up your tolerance for Samantha Harris’ unique ability to serve as the super-sized, ultra-pokey needle in that haystack of happiness that is Dancing With the Stars (or is that just my assessment?), the first batch of semi-credible casting rumors are starting to emerge.
I know I am all excited about them, so just in case you are too, I’ll do my best to keep a running log. Check back often. And if you’ve heard one I missed, the comment box is right down there. Holla.
So here we go.
According to In Touch Weekly, a likely candidate for the “Huh, she’s still pretty hot for a chick that age” slot — previously occupied by the likes of Leeza Gibbons, Jenny Garth, Paulina Porizkova and so forth — may be former Donald Trump mistress turned Mrs. turned ex-Mrs. Marla Maples. You know, the one after Ivanka but before, well, the current one. Who did that also-reality ex-wife thing with Shar Jackson, who was not actually anyone’s ex-wife, a few years back? Well, she’s still very pretty anyway …
In Touch is also putting its money on the appearance of former Will & Grace scene-stealer Sean Hayes, which I would darn near sell my soul to have happen. I bet the man can shake a decent tail feather, and paired with someone sassy like Julianne or Cheryl, the impending entertainment value would almost get me over the whole adjusting-to-Samantha thing. Almost. Super bonus: casting Sean seems to defy all of the usual casting stereotypes, which is kinda a nice thing too. Yay, Sean!
Over there at E!’s website, E! Online, gossip columnist Mark Malkin is predicting the appearance of former Mrs. Elvis, Priscilla Presley, which I think may either be intended to fill the graceful mature woman/Jane Seymour/Marilu Henner slot, or could be a neat little twist on the whole over-60 thing previously locked down by men (Springer, Newton, Ratzenberger, Hamilton, etc…) to this point.
Except wait … the National Enquirer says 74-year-old Florence Henderson is actually going one step beyond serving as the audience-based morality police from a season or two back and will take to the dance floor herself. Hmm. Presley AND Henderson? I don’t buy it. My money’s on Flo.
Ratted out by her dadster, the Hulkster, as a contender for my least favorite slot — the “I’ve been dancing since I was an embryo, but my resume says I’m actually an actor/singer/Miami Heat Cheerleader, so there” category (see also Mario Lopez, Sabrina Bryant, Willa Ford, Trista Sutter) is Brooke Hogan. Feh. I say bring on the Juno chick. Or the Juno/Superbad guy. I want to see a young’un who can’t dance for a change.
There were also some rumblings about the obligatory 90210 alum slot being filled by Tori Spelling, but given that she’s strolling around Hollywood sporting a decent-sized sophomore baby bump, I’d say that’s not exactly likely. Luke Perry! Luke Perry! Oh please, oh please!!!!!!
So. Who are we missing? The soap star … and I don’t watch ’em, so I got nothing to offer. Pretty former beauty queen type person? Yeah … nothing again.
The country star. PICKLER!!!! YEEEEEAAAAHHHHHH! Just imagine it! “Ah don’t know how to say pisser dooobliee much less do one!” Or maybe Blake Shelton, who stole the show, if not the victory, from Nick Lachey on Clash of the Choirs. Opinion? Anyone?
The aging NFL star. Huh. Marino, maybe? Nah. Too stiff. Deion? Man, that would be awesome. Probably too awesome to happen. Or how about something completely different in the athlete category — Lance Armstrong. Outside of breaking up with girls, he hasn’t had much going on lately.
Well. Anyway. I’ll keep you posted. You keep me posted. March 17’s not so far away …