10 Items Or Less: First Time

Posted by Ryan

10 Items Or Less

Leslie’s new Customer Appreciation Corner offers free coffee for everyone. But there’s a problem — he’s gone through 45 cases of French Vanilla Coffee-mate creamer this week alone. Where’s it all going? Carl knows. He’s hooked on the stuff, drinking it straight, making Carltinis, adding it to Juevos Carlitos and putting it on fish.

At the customer service desk, Leslie notices Ingrid writing about her Virginity Goodbye Project. Yes, Ingrid is a virgin, but she’s decided to put an end to that. Leslie supports her in this effort, and wants to know if there’s anything he can do to, uh … help. Ingrid says that there is something Leslie can do. As a matter of fact, he’s the first one on her list.

But Leslie’s not so sure he can do it, after all, he’s her boss. But Ingrid says that it’s a work-related problem, and that fantasizing about Todd has affected her job. Well, since this is an HR problem, Leslie’s got to take care of it. It’s a business operation. They’re going to get it on tonight, and it’s going to be crazy!

Ingrid wants some pointers from Yolanda on how to seduce a man. She tells Ingrid to try putting some of her hair in her mouth and asking, “So is your cousin out of prison?” (That always works on me.) Yolanda also tells Ingrid to be sure to drop something and bend over to pick it up. Yolanda bends over, and suddenly I have a craving for Orville Redenbacher’s Smart Pop Gourmet popping corn.

That night at the Palms Inn, Leslie and Ingrid are in bed, but Leslie can’t seem to get in the mood for lovin’. Maybe if he tries some moves he learned in the Kama Sutra class he took by himself (they used CPR dummies). Maybe the Hanging Praying Mantis will work. Or maybe Leslie’s gay.

Leslie’s convinced that he’s gay, and he really needs to tell Todd about it. Todd, who’s making sausages and flirting with a cougar customer, isn’t too happy that Leslie’s bringing this up right now. Meanwhile, Ingrid is explaining her situation to Richard. Ingrid wonders if Richard would consider “experimenting” with women as a favor to her, but he’s not switching teams.

That night in the G&G break room, Ingrid is in full seduction mode with lit candles, a slinky dress and a classy box of wine. Richard doesn’t have any interest in Ingrid, but he likes the box of wine very much, and polishes it off. Frustrated, Ingrid leaves to get another box as Richard starts feeling the wine’s effects and he lies down on the couch. Leslie enters the room, and thinks that the whole setup is for him.

Leslie is ready to prove his gayness to Richard. Leslie’s a navy man, and he’s waiting for his yeoman to come by and pick him up. So to prove that Leslie is definitely not gay, Richard kisses him as Ingrid comes back with another box of wine. Leslie knows now that he’s 100 percent not gay, as the sandpapery feel of another man’s beard just isn’t his thing.

Leslie tells Ingrid that last night he was just nervous about being her first time. But he’s not nervous now. They head to the Palms Inn, where Ingrid makes up for lost time with Leslie.

Best Moment: Leslie explains to Ingrid that while he can’t have sex with her, he’s definitely going to think long and hard about it later at home tonight.

Employee of the Week: The couch in the G&G break room. That thing’s seen a lot of action. Leslie himself was conceived on it.

Product Placement: Nestle Coffee-mate French Vanilla non-dairy creamer. Make tonight Juevos Carlitos night!

Photo: ™ & © Turner Broadcasting System, Inc. A Time Warner Company. All Rights Reserved. Credit: Danny Feld

About Ryan Berenz 2107 Articles
Some things I like (in no particular order): Sports, Star Wars, LEGO, beer, 'The Simpsons' Seasons 1-13, my family and the few friends who are not embarrassed to be seen with me. Why yes, I am very interested in how much you like 'Alaskan Bush People.' #LynxForLife