My cat attempted to write this recap, but she couldn’t get past the first letter, so I’m taking over.
By the way, I want to start off this week saying that I’m NOT reading any of the supposed spoilers and stories about folks with recording contracts past. That’s not the kind of stuff I care about. If The Smoking Gun gets their hands on a mugshot, I’m so there. But if y’all think there’s something interesting, comment here. I’m all ears.
Day One in San Diego begins with a couple of old guys introducing the show. They try real hard & they’re cute. I have no idea who they schmoozed to get on camera.
We must begin with the obligatory crazy crowd shots. There’s lots of people! Crazy amounts of people! They bring weird stuff like pet birds!
First up is Tetiana singing “Someone To Watch Over Me.” She’s good, but I was also a fan of Natasha on America’s Next Top Model. Simon doesn’t think she’ll ever be great, but she asks for the chance to prove that he’s wrong. He obliges and she’s through.
Perry Cataldo is auditioning & brought his son. He lost his wife two years ago. He seems like a decent guy who had to grow up fast. He’s singing Boyz II Men, and he’s ok, even though I can’t stand that song. He’s got 3 yeses and is going to Hollywood. His son is duly unimpressed.
Michael, from Los Angeles, grew up in Australia. He’s very Commitments, even though he’s not Irish. Australia was a penal colony, so the analogy does kind of fit.
Three folks have gone through, so it’s time to hear some suckin’! And this being Idol auditions, the bad singers do not disappoint. So the next person we learn about could be good, or could be bad. She discusses with Ryan the enjoyment of seeing the bad singers. Unfortunately for her, she’s one of the bad singers. She’s supposedly been compared to Mariah Carey, and she does the obligatory way too high for humans to hear note. She was very excited about her audition. Until she realized that the smiles on the judges’ faces were because they were laughing at her. She’s realized that she will now be one of the people she mocked. Very surreal Idol.
Mimes! Why the mime was paired with a guy in a serape, I don’t know. Maybe the mime should’ve been with a guy in a tux to symbolize Jerry Lewis or something to be a bit more thematically correct.
We meet a couple of friends who both work in the health care industry. They both need to continue to work in the health care industry. They also both try the “I’m just going to keep singing” school of auditioning. I would think Idol would run out of folks who are delusional about their own abilities. I know now that that will never happen, and it’s kind of comforting for someone like me who’s extremely confident in my INability to sing.
Samantha is the last contestant of Day One and she thinks Simon is hot. Her sister also thinks Simon is hot & came along to witness the hotness. The sister sends in a note on a paper airplane & gets to watch her sister’s audition from Simon’s chair. Thankfully Samantha can sing. The judges are impressed and send her through to Hollywood. Samantha wants a Simon hug before she goes.
Day Two starts with Blake, a guy who’s auditioned for multiple seasons, once in a Statue of Liberty costume. His mother is obsessed with him getting on American Idol. Why she allows her son to come in costume if she REALLY wants him to get on the show is beyond me. The funny thing is that he’s got a halfway decent voice, so why he used the costume is beyond me. But the singing wasn’t good enough; he’s not through.
And a lot of folks aren’t through. These are the people I feel sorry for — not good enough to make the cut, and not bad enough either. When you don’t make the audition show, you’re either the dark horse they think might win the whole thing, or you’re just mediocre.
Freak alert! Alberto claims to live in his imagination. His nails are very, very long, yet uneven. He has a huge American Idol fan. A real fan. He wears an eagle on his shirt to symbolize freedom. Do I need to tell you he’s singing an original creation? I just ate dinner & I haven’t had enough wine for this guy. Simon calls him a storm cloud on a sunny day. Alberto leaves Paula the fan he created for her. He’s sad when he leaves, but he’s got a couple of women with him, who I assume are relatives. They’re very supportive, perhaps too supportive. An eagle flies off into the distance. Freedom. Why didn’t I pour myself a full glass of wine?
Our next contestant is a 16-year-old who had a paralyzed vocal cord. David Archuleta sings a John Mayer song and he’s not bad. Randy joins in with some backing vocals. He’s through to Hollywood — supposedly the first for the day.
Carly is the last contestant. Oh, ok, I DID see stuff online about her. Stuff about having a huge recording contract and things just tanked. She’s singing “I’m Every Woman” and Simon says she was better two years ago. Of course she’s through. It’s very Commitments. Again.
San Diego produces 30 contestants for Hollywood. Will any of them make it to the Top 24? Only time, and more Idol auditions, will tell.