The Girl Who Becomes America’s Next Top Model. Yes, I will tell you.

by WindUpDoll

There’s a lot of crying in this episode. A lot. Weepy, weepy, weepy ’cause the girls LOVE each other and everything is all warm & fuzzy. Blech, I mean, snooze.

This is the episode where we all know what’s going to happen. There will be a Cover Girl ad. There will be a runway show. Tyra will ask the girls who is the strongest and who is the weakest. This is just the way Tyra has decreed it, and it shall be so.

No surprises, we begin with Saleisha marveling at how marvelous it is to be in the top 3. All 3 girls discuss in various ways of how it would suck to go home right now. Then, while the girls are in getting ready for the Cover Girl shoot, Jaslene appears! Squeal! She gives the ‘my life is so different now’ speech & gives the basic pep talk. You go Jaslene! I wasn’t paying too much attention to what she was saying, but I’m sure it was inspirational, and perky.

Chantal thinks she’s a Cover Girl because she’s perky & loves life. She does ok with the commercial & photo. Then Jenah struggles to get the words out, almost getting the cue cards. Saleisha is confident… until she gets in front of the camera. She has to walk off set to compose herself before she’s finally able to pull the commercial out. We then see all 3 girls posing with fruit and BAM we’re at panel.

That is one of the great things about this particular episode. No dorking around with filler for that first cut — we just get right down to the nitty gritty. We’ll have time for filler to fast-forward through later.

In a wise move, when Tyra asks all 3 competitors who the strongest girl is, each one names herself. Well played. Then Saleisha and Chantal both point the weakest finger at Jenah, while Jenah turns on her fellow blonde, Chantal. Honestly, I think this little grilling is just cruel. These girls aren’t going to have to live together anymore, so the question doesn’t stoke up any filmable drama, it just makes them uncomfortable.

Individual evaluations are next. Saleisha needed more variety in her smiles, but she did smile with her eyes through the whole commercial. I don’t think Bianca could’ve smiled with her eyes during a Cover Girl commercial, but it might’ve been fun to watch. Especially if there was a car on fire somewhere. Chantal displayed sincerity and Tyra thought Jenah was making fun of the commercial in her performance.

It is at this point that Tyra goes into ‘talk-show’ mode. She’s got that Mike Wallace talking to Barbra Streisand gleam in her eye as she asks Jenah “Why are you so hard?” Jenah starts blubbering about having to raise her little sisters, the other contestants start crying, Miss J & Twiggy just look down as if they didn’t sign up for this train wreck & don’t need to watch it. Meanwhile, Tyra is just, Tyra. Looking plainly at Jenah. She then says, “You said you were looking for yourself at the Great Wall. I think you’ve just found her.” Thus spoke the wisdom of Tyra Banks. Blech. No wonder Twiggy is too ‘busy’ to do next cycle.

In the part where the judges talk about the girls, Twiggy says that Saleisha looks delicious. It’s noted that Jenah just did a personal 180 and she takes the best photos. Chantal is called the most amateur.

And yet Chantal is the first girl called when Tyra only has 2 photos in her hand. This tells us, the viewing audience, that the next name called will likely be the winner of America’s Next Top Model. That name is Saleisha. Jenah’s going home, and while no one is surprised, all of the girls are blubbering.

And our top 2 is off to do their runway thing. This year Jaslene will be starting the runway show, and we’ve got 500 extras to add ambiance. What Tyra fails to mention is that it looks like the 500 extras are really there to be the audience, as I didn’t see anyone around who wasn’t an extra or a Tyra entourage member. I’m sure other runway shows were the same, but as a viewer, I at least had the illusion that there was an audience actually there to see some clothes. We have the obligatory “I like you, but I’m in it to win it” talk from the contestants.

This time, though, the judges walk up the runway to their seats in a weird, draggy wedding procession of sorts. Ok, so it’s mostly draggy when Miss J is heading up. Out of respect to the event, the afro has been tamed for the runway show. Tyra then out-drags Miss J by bringing in her entourage as she gives the fierce up the runway.

The gowns are very cool, there are weird stilt-walkers in the middle of the runway the models have to maneuver around & through. At various times, our final 2 girls of fierceness have these huge cocaine nails. I wish I knew what they were really called, but that’s the first thing that popped into my head. Sometimes they have one, sometimes two. No one pokes her eye out with one, which is a miracle. Chantal can maneuver the fingers, but still somehow causes one of the folks on stilts to fall over. Chantal & Saleisha are both crying at the end of the show, and when they hug, their huge chandelier earrings catch, making the moment that much more priceless.

And then we’re back at the ANTM ranch to rehash the entire season. I’ve got Project Runway to watch, so I fast-forwarded through all this. If anyone did sit through it, please pipe up if I missed something good. I saw a lot of crying and a lot of photos I’ve seen before, and that Chantal was wearing a great dress.

So who is the girl who has become America’s Next Top Model and that we will see in Cover Girl ads all through the next cycle? That girl is — Saleisha.

And so closes another cycle of America’s Next Top Model. I’m hoping next cycle is a little less drama-free. C’mon Tyra!