As is the pattern of America’s Next Top Model, we begin this episode with the models coming to grips with the loss of another model. Heather’s taking Sarah’s eviction hard and discusses that with Bianca. Lisa discusses feeling the pressure of doing well. She knows that in the world of Top Model, one day you’re in, and the next.
Oh, wait, that’s the other show. Sorry about that.
TyraMail indicates to the girls that they are about to get schooled. And, really, who seems to do most of the schooling these days? That’s right, Benny Ninja!
They give Benny some stuff to say about Elite Model Management and I’ve gotta say, when asked to do intro work, Benny doesn’t really ‘bring it’ for me. Benny is best when navigating, and posing, through a laser field. When he’s just given text to deal with, without any sort of whacked-out movement, he’s about as dynamic as one of those legal commercials where the lawyer does the dead-stare into the camera and says something like “Have you been in an accident? Did the insurance company offer you a settlement that won’t cover your expenses?” Pause “Then you want to call me at Dewey, Cheatam and Howe…”
And the guy from Elite has the weirdest glasses I’ve ever seen. They’re kind of like a thin-wire version of the glasses Charles Nelson Reilly used to wear on all those game shows in the 70s & 80s. I’m sure they were über expensive.
Our intrepid hosts explain to our models that at times they need to be a muse for a designer. Personally, and I know very little of the fashion industry, but I would think that that would be a rare opportunity for a model. Unless, of course, you’re on Project Runway, but I digress.
The models have to meet with their designers to come up with a piece just for them using a hideous powder blue Bea Arthur number. Some models can’t get past just how awful this piece of clothing is. Some models can’t seem to actually talk with their designer. Awkwardness ensues, and as it goes on, I’m seeing just how much ANTM is mimicking Project Runway. The focus here, though, is on the models, and it seems to be a harbinger saying “Don’t focus on the models, Project Runway. Don’t do it. It’s not compelling TV. Really, watch this. See, they don’t really talk much. And giggle a lot.”
And while I love Benny Ninja and wish I was as kinesthetically gifted as him, he’s not Tim Gunn. There is only one Tim Gunn, and you sir, are no Tim Gunn. Get to dodging lasers & voguing like a maniac, and I’ll love you again.
It’s at this point that, again, I’m saying “where is Mr. Jay?” I want my little ‘blonde’ club kid here to use words the models don’t know. I miss that.
As in Project Runway, the girls have to sell their garments a la a runway show. However, in this runway show, the girls have to talk. Sigh. For some, that’s not a good thing. Bianca and Saleisha do well, but Heather looks like a deer in headlights. She is so not ‘owning it’ as Benny clearly instructed them to do. Lisa also overthinks it & then beats herself up when she harfs her lines. As usual, the girls who do poorly are vividly aware of that fact, and the feedback session will only further drive their supposed failure home.
Quote of the night: “I thought when you spoke it was a weak moment.” So said Elite guy to Lisa. It’s hard to tell how she took it as she had on these whacked-out glasses with netting over them. Heather too gets some rough criticism, and she’s not quite ready to move on from it. Saleshia ends up winning and selects Bianca & Lisa to do a jewelry photo shoot for Seventeen magazine.
To regroup, Heather calls shower upon returning to the house. Well, we’ve all experienced that calling something doesn’t mean you always get it. I’ve called shotgun, but if I don’t get there first and there’s a tall person riding with me who actually needs legroom to not get blood clots, I know I may not get it.
Well, Saleisha and Lisa jump into the shower first (which I should say is insanely huge in this era of droughts. Way to be green, Tyra!) and Heather goes in right after them, yelling & screaming all the way. The main problem here is that when Heather yells at people, she also scares them. Hopefully she’ll be able to use her skills in observing & mimicking other people to be a little less scary when she gets mad. We’ll see about that.
I’m noticing Heather’s getting a lot of screen time, but we’re also at the point where there are few enough girls that screen time doesn’t really matter as much in predicting who gets cut. They couldn’t cut Heather at this point, could they? Every girl has a bad week, right?
But we’ve got to get a photo shoot in here somewhere, and the girls are off in their Green van to the middle of nowhere. The driver stops in the middle of the desert, and promptly drives away. Mild panic ensues, but wait! Off in the distance, a vision is appearing. Blurry at first, then progressively clearer. And blonder. And buffer. And — it’s Mr. Jay! He’s come to save them, or at least show them the whole tent city set up behind them, I’m sure with complete craft services & lots of Dasani to keep a certain someone from passing out again. He explains that this is a Lost in the Desert shoot — the models have to look beautiful, and mad or frustrated, and show off the clothes. Bring it.
Heather, of course, can’t shake off that crappy feeling she’s had all week & does ok, but not fierce. Chantal does well, but she’s got a ‘challenging’ garment as it keeps blowing up on her. Others do their thing.
Back in the trailer, or was it the house, the other girls sit Heather down & tell her to chill out. Good advice.
And finally, we’re at panel. As Tyra is introducing the judges, a cute little Chinese dragon keeps popping its little head up behind them. Well, not behind Miss Jay, since the dragon wouldn’t fit around the enormity that is his afro.
A dragon bursts in, and I have to mention, it is as cute as heck. I just want to kiss it. The dragon has a ‘conversation’ with Tyra. Tyra tells the girls that the dragon told her that they’re going to… CHINA! Couldn’t see that one coming, not at all. Upon this announcement, the girls hug & squeeze each other. Chinese martial artists come in with swords. Another dragon comes in. Lots of frivolity & squealing. Then it’s time for the reality check — one girl is getting the boot before going to China.
That was so cruel Tyra. Deliciously cruel.
Panel review is pretty typical, except Miss Jay notes that Bianca looks like she just set the car in the shot ON fire. Heather gets a reprieve even though this was her weakest shot to date, and it’s Lisa & Ambreal in the bottom two. Well, come on, how can you not send Ambreal home? You tried to send her home 2 weeks ago.
And so it goes, Ambreal doesn’t get to go to China, and no one’s really surprised.
Next week, we’re in Beijing where I’m sure culture shock will ensue. The question is, will Heather still be the Model of the Week after a weak performance this week? Only time will tell, models.
