J.D. became a father in last week’s show, but you’d never know it through most of this week’s episode. That’s kind of the point, I guess, as the through-line ends up being, “J.D., you need to grow up.”
This initially comes from the unlikeliest of sources — J.D.’s ne’er-do-well older brother, Dan, played as always by Tom Cavanaugh. Man, these guys really look like brothers. It should be required in any project that if one of them has a sibling (male or female), the other gets a call. Uncanny!
Despite an immature, hilarious introduction — in which Dan poses as a mutilated corpse on an operating table, only to scare the bejesus out of J.D. with the help of a compliant Turk — Dan finally seems to have his act together. He’s gotten out of the bartending business (and his mom’s attic) and now flips real estate, buying fixer-uppers and selling them for profit. It fits him, he says, because it involves lying and doublespeak. He is doing so well, in fact, that he is able to buy J.D. a new car. A hybrid, no less. It’s the perfect gift, Dan says, because it ensures that J.D. will not have to travel 40 minutes on a scooter to see his son. Sorry, Sasha. It appears your work here is done.
J.D. doesn’t quite see it that way. He’s bummed, because he learns he kind of depended on his brother being a screw-up, so he could feel good about his own life. He expresses his anger by trying to smash the windshield of the new car, prompting Dan to provide the episode’s best line: “I enjoy a demonstration of your lack of physical strength as much as the next guy, but what’s your problem?’ J.D. tells himself not to come out with it, but of course he does. “You’re supposed to be the loser. Not me.” Dan tells J.D. he needs to grow up, which immediately sends the young doctor to his friends to see if they agree.
What follows is supposed to be funny, but is only mildly amusing. The “hedging noise symphony,” as J.D. likes to call it, consists of Carla, Elliot, Ted and Dr. Kelso umming and erring their way through a response. It’s all set to Tchaikovsky’s War of 1812, and it just goes on way too long. Finally, everyone says yes, J.D., grow up. Unhesitant responses would’ve been funnier, but maybe that’s just me. What makes “Scrubs” characters funny is their directness.
Others aren’t immune to the immaturity, as Dr. Cox forces a nebbish intern to hold his hot coffee for him by the cup, not the handle. Ted gets his first scenes of the season, riding to work on a bicycle, clad in godawful spandex. He tsks-tsks Janitor’s gas-guzzling van, and Janitor’s propensity to leave it running all day to make sure the air conditioning is nice and cool at the end of the day. We also learn that Ted’s environmentalism is fierce enough that he gives his mom rides to the mall, despite the fact that she sticks her hands down his pants during the trip. Ewwww. But Janitor sees the light after Ted makes him watch “An Inconvenient Truth,” going so far as to don a Boy Scout-like sash and become Sacred Heart’s self-appointed Environmental Officer. With the passion of a new zealot, he establishes carpool parking spaces, where violators (like Turk) face penalties (like having a wasp’s nest thrown in their car).
Janitor’s new purpose in life lasts approximately 36 hours, before he realizes the recycling bin, a whole 2 feet away, is much too far to walk when the trash can is right there. He’s paired with Elliot, who had been railing against the hypocrisy of her colleagues, for giving advice to their patients that they themselves don’t follow. Cox shows her a hard truth, though, pointing out that Elliot had chastised a patient for not eating while Elliot herself is the same height and almost the same weight. Hypocrite Barbie, he calls her. It’s been awhile since Cox came up with a good nickname, so that was nice. Elliot’s effort to be weight-gain pals with her patient falls short, though, when everyone points out what a hot body she has.
It’s up to Carla to again pick everyone up, telling them they’re human. At least the writers acknowledge the staleness on display here, even having Carla mention that she gave this speech to Elliot and J.D. two weeks ago. Then again, maybe it’s a lame nod to NBC’s “Green Week” by recycling old jokes. Still, PLEASE, give this woman something to do!
Turk’s “grow up” speech to J.D. is much more effective, even more so considering that he delivers it with his head painted as a basketball. Sure, he can play silly games (Toe or Finger, anyone?) while J.D. is around, but the rest of the time, it’s all about being a dad, paying bills and saving up for a house. When he asks J.D. if he’s even baby-proofed his apartment yet, or learned how to change a diaper, J.D. lamely asks if there’s an instruction manual on the box.
Cut to J.D. asking Dan if he wants to go meet his nephew. Kim is nowhere to be seen (Elizabeth Banks’ contract must be up), but we’re treated to a nice moment of the brothers basking in the glow of newborn Sammy. In the car, Dan remarks, “He looks like Dad.” “I know,” J.D. says. A solid way to end an uneven episode. If this is Dan’s last appearance, he goes off just right.
Trend: The T-shirts worn by J.D. and Turk continue to be interesting. Last week, we got Turk’s ’80s-style “Transformers” shirt, and this week J.D. was sporting a shirt featuring an American football with “Soccer” written underneath it. Given the character’s lack of sports knowledge (“I sure hope Bonds wins at that game he plays … I want to say tennis.”), it’s a gag that works on many levels.
