FOX got the dads from its “Wildest Shows on Earth” Sunday animated lineup to pick this weekend’s NFL games. Homer Simpson of, uh, The Simpsons, Hank Hill of King of the Hill, Peter Griffin of Family Guy and Stan Smith of American Dad all weigh in on this weekend’s slate. We’ll check back on Tuesday to see how they did. Just remember guys: When you participate in sports, it’s not whether you win or lose — it’s how drunk you get.
I’ve always wondered who’s actually writing these interviews with cartoon characters. Do they get a writer from the show, or is some intern at the studio just making this stuff up?
Anyway, here are their picks:
Buffalo Bills vs. New England Patriots
Peter Griffin: Well, first of all, New England is just freakin’ sweet. They may not lose a game the entire year. Plus, the Pats got spy cameras watchin’ you. Just like the government. “The Patriot Act” — that was all Belichick’s idea. My pick: New England.
Arizona Cardinals vs. Baltimore Ravens
Homer Simpson: Because it’s the Cardinals versus the Ravens, I’m passing this one off to our family’s bird-nerd, Lisa Simpson.
Lisa Simpson: It’s called an ornithologist.
Homer Simpson: Thanks for nothing. Take the Ravens.
Indianapolis Colts vs. Houston Texans
Stan Smith: You know, my first gun was a Colt 45. Man, I shot TONS of people with that thing! My pick: Indianapolis Colts.
Dallas Cowboys vs. Chicago Bears
Hank Hill: Who’s going to win the Cowboys/Bears game? Frankly I’m a little insulted you’d even ask me that question. The Cowboys are America’s team. So I am going to go with America. My pick: Dallas Cowboys.
Homer Simpson: Let’s see … If the show Dallas fought the band Chicago, who would win? Well, Bobby Ewing’s got a cannon for an arm, but you’re never going to get a passing game going with Peter Cetera coming on the blitz. It all comes down to special teams. I see Sue Ellen kicking a last-second field goal to give Dallas the win. But this game is up against The Simpsons season premiere, starring Lionel Richie and Stephen Colbert, so watch that instead.
New York Giants vs. Washington Redskins
Homer Simpson: I pick the Giants because their backup quarterback, Jared Lorenzen, like myself is a man of great weight. You’re sending an important message to today’s kids – obesity is not a problem in America.
Denver Broncos vs. Jacksonville Jaguars
Stan Smith: Ah, Denver, the Mile High City. Wait, does that mean it’s actually a mile high? So if Franny and I, you know (whistling), in Denver … would that, like … would that put us into the Mile High Club? My pick: Denver Broncos.
San Francisco 49ers vs. Pittsburgh Steelers
Peter Griffin: The hometown fans are going to be pretty intense for Pittsburgh. They got nothing else to live for. The only chance for San Fran is if they can get Barry Bonds to play quarterback. Good luck finding a helmet to fit over that huge melon he calls a head. My pick: Pittsburgh Steelers.
Detroit Lions vs. Philadelphia Eagles
Homer Simpson: You’re a winner for not living in either of these cities. Unless you do, in which case I pick the city that is home to the Liberty Bell – Detroit. They stole it when Philadelphia wasn’t looking.
Cincinnati Bengals vs. Seattle Seahawks
Stan Smith: You gotta go with the team you know the best. I got to know the Bengals pretty well by arresting nine of them … Those guys are characters! My pick: Cincinnati Bengals.
Cleveland Browns vs. Oakland Raiders
Hank Hill: Cleveland at Oakland? Well, neither of them are the Cowboys — and, well, Oakland is in California, so I’m going to have to go with Browns. My pick: Cleveland Browns.
San Diego Chargers vs. Green Bay Packers
Homer Simpson: Brett Favre, I respect you enormously, but sir, it’s time to retire. Just open a steakhouse called Brett’s Place and put your old football junk in it. In the first year, go by once or twice a week, then never go again. My pick? Brett’s Place. For the best onion rings in the entire Wisconsin thumb.
Carolina Panthers vs. Atlanta Falcons
Hank Hill: I still think of the Panthers as a new team. And I generally don’t like things that are new. And since the Panthers knocked the Cowboys out of the playoffs twice, I’ll take the Falcons out of spite. My pick: Atlanta Falcons.
Miami Dolphins vs. New York Jets
Homer Simpson: Both of these cities are awesome places to visit. Why do they even need football? However, I do like how the dolphin on the Miami helmet wears a helmet. That’s smart. Safety first. Miami by six.
St. Louis Rams vs. Tampa Bay Buccaneers
Peter Griffin: Well, the Rams got Mark Bulger and he’s tough to stop. He he he, bulge. My pick: St. Louis Rams.
Minnesota Vikings vs. Kansas City Chiefs
Homer Simpson: I think Kansas City will be cooking up a tasty victory against the … oh, “Chiefs.” I thought it said “Chefs.” Anyway, take Kansas City. Because the Vikings with their wide stance and tapping toes will never get out of the Minneapolis Airport men’s room.
Update: Of the 16 predictions the FOX TV dads made, they made nine correct picks. Homer led with 5 of 7, Peter had 2 of 3, and Stan and Hank were both 1 of 3.