The 4th OT: Honk If You’re Hornish

The Indy 500 is one of those events on the calendar that has lost a lot of its luster, but I still feel compelled to watch every year out of pity, or because I suppose I should watch the biggest event in open-wheel racing. Plus, it’s a long weekend and I don’t mind spending a few hours of it in a state of temporary Danicamania. Last year’s race had a sweet finish, with Sam Hornish Jr. nosing .0635 seconds ahead of Marco Andretti, so maybe IRL’s starting to turn this thing around.

Here’s a supersized edition of the 4th OT for the supersized weekend:

Tonight

UFC 71 Weigh-Ins Live from the MGM Grand Garden Arena in Las Vegas (ESPNEWS). Outstanding! Just when I was starting to worry that I couldn’t watch two ugly dudes strip down and stand on a scale in Vegas!

Major League Baseball: Chicago Cubs at L.A. Dodgers (WGN). Nice matchup with Ted Lilly vs. Derek Lowe.

Saturday

Major League Baseball: Chicago Cubs at L.A. Dodgers, Philadelphia Phillies at Atlanta Braves or Cleveland Indians at Detroit Tigers (FOX/FOX HD). Matt Vasgersian and Mark Grace are calling the Cubs/Dodgers game going out to 46% of the country. Conditions are favorable for a sauced-up Rick Sutcliffe guest appearance!

NASCAR Busch Series Carquest Auto Parts 300 from Lowe’s Motor Speedway in Charlotte, N.C. (ESPN2/ESPN2 HD). Ned Jarrett will make a guest appearance in the ESPN2 broadcast booth alongside his son Dale. In a special ESPN on-air exclusive, Ned will reveal to Dale that he was always disappointed in him.

NBA Playoffs: San Antonio Spurs at Utah Jazz, Western Conference Finals, Game 3 (ABC/ABC HD). I’m afraid that this is all academic now.

UFC 71: Chuck “The Iceman” Liddell vs. Quinton “Rampage” Jackson from the MGM Grand Garden Arena in Las Vegas (PPV). Seems like a bit of a letdown after the awesomeness of the weigh-in.

Sunday

Tennis: French Open, Early Rounds (ESPN2). The Americans and Roger Federer do not like the clay so much.

IRL IndyCar Series Indianapolis 500 from Indianapolis Motor Speedway (ABC/ABC HD). I am so stoked to finally hear Jim Nabors perform his hit song!

NASCAR Nextel Cup Coca-Cola 600 from Lowe’s Motor Speedway in Charlotte, N.C. (FOX/FOX HD). Hmmm. Which race is better? The NASCAR race is 100 miles longer, but Indy has chicks racing in it. But the chicks are wearing racing suits and helmets. But there’s a chance Tony Stewart could punch someone in the NASCAR race. Ah, but there’s a possibility that Danica and Milka could throw down! Oh, why must all the important decisions be so hard?

Major League Baseball: Cleveland Indians at Detroit Tigers (ESPN/ESPN HD). Hooray for Fausto! It’s Cleveland’s Fausto Carmona (5-1, 2.77) vs. Detroit’s Mike Maroth (3-1, 4.94).

NBA Playoffs: Detroit Pistons at Cleveland Cavaliers, Eastern Conference Finals, Game 3 (TNT/TNT HD). Poor LeBron. Passing doesn’t work. Shooting doesn’t work. Now he’ll just take the ball and cower in the fetal position.

Monday

Major League Baseball: Atlanta Braves at Milwaukee Brewers (TBS); Chicago White Sox at Minnesota Twins (WGN). Check out Brewers 3B prospect Ryan Braun, who gets the call up this weekend.

NHL Stanley Cup Finals: Ottawa Senators at Anaheim Ducks, Game 1 (Versus). Let’s see: We have a Canadian team that most Canadians don’t even like and an L.A. team that most people would probably be surprised to hear exists. Will Versus be able to get more than the 0.6% of U.S. households it got last year?

NBA Playoffs: San Antonio Spurs at Utah Jazz, Western Conference Finals, Game 4 (ESPN/ESPN HD). I know Games 5-7 are only “if necessary,” but I’m not entirely sure Game 4 is necessary.

About Ryan Berenz 1999 Articles
Devotee of Star Wars. Builder of LEGO. Observer of televised sports. Member of the Television Critics Association. Graduate of the University of Wisconsin. Connoisseur of beer. Consumer of cheese. Father of two. Husband of one. Scourge of the Alaskan Bush People. Font of Simpsons knowledge. Son of a Stonecutter.