Branson Famous episode 5 recap: The Brangelina of Branson

Tonight’s episode of Branson Famous, “The Brangelina of Branson,” could be alternately titled, “Megan Loves Blush.” Seriously, you guys, what even is going on here? More on that later.

The show starts with Patty and Tim talking in the car about how something is holding Brandon up from proposing to Megan, and Patty denies it’s her. (Reality check, Patty: It’s you. Actually, it’s probably not really you, but Brandon and Megan think it is, when in fact it’s probably them. There’s a whole psychological thing going on here, but I lack the credentials to diagnose this further, so I’ll just sit and watch the drama play out.) So that’s one of the main plot points of the episode.

The 55^th anniversary of the Baldknobbers Jamboree is coming up, so Breezy asks Brandon if she can perform at the show. She tells Brandon she’s been “workin’ real hard” and he calls her out that she doesn’t even have a song prepared. He says that in 2 and a half weeks they have a car show (cars show? I don’t know) and if she can prove herself, she can perform there. I hope, for her sake, that she can prove herself, but I just don’t know. Later in the episode, we see Breezy and Megan working together, and Megan tries to show Breezy how to bow and be confident. Breezy absolutely cracks me up here. She grudgingly pretends that she’s a confident “princess of the stage,” lavishing the praise and applause, and stops, looks at Megan and says, “That’s ridiculous.”

This annoys Megan, and she makes a snarky remark that I love: “Even if it’s terrible, you can sing like Heather and they’re going to love you anyways,” to show Breezy that it’s all about confidence, and not so much about talent. Though, doesn’t Heather have some talent? Maybe I’m wrong (confession: I am often wrong), but I thought she did.

Along the lines of Heather’s talent, toward the beginning of the show, Heather gets a call while backstage from the owner of the God and Country Theater, where she works on the side, and is concerned. She tells Megan, who replies in the most syrupy, fake, passive-aggressive voice I’ve ever heard, “Hope it’s something good, not something bad.” (My thought: Megan should want it to be something good, because if Heather got a huge gig elsewhere, it could get her out of the Baldknobbers show and out of Megan’s hair.) Spoiler alert: it’s bad. We find out later in the episode, when Heather and Denton are talking, that Heather loses a gig. Her ‘80s Ladies show is canceled because the show just can’t pull in enough of an audience. Denton tells Heather that honest, the Baldknobbers headliners don’t usually do other shows anyway, and she says that maybe this is a sign that she needs to focus less on the other stuff and more on the Baldknobbers Jamboree. Nothing in the way that Denton acts toward Heather seems at all alarming, but he does tell the camera that it’s not that he doesn’t like her, he just doesn’t trust her.

Okay, let’s get down to brass tacks here. The episode name tonight was “The Brangelina of Branson.” This whole concept of Brandon and Megan being Branson’s’ power couple, akin to Brad and Angelina, had me LOLing as soon as I saw the episode name on the screener. At one point early in the episode, we see a fan talking to the couple after a show and asking how long Megan and Brandon have been married. DRAMA! They cast sidelong glances at each other, and we see Brandon in the confessional saying, “For some reason, Megan and I’s relationship is the top of mind for EVERYBODY right now.” OK, aside from the fact that that sentence is so grammatically incorrect that it drove a dagger straight through my heart (for the record, it should be “Megan’s and my”), I’m pretty sure that’s not true. Well, I’m sure until, of course, the grocery store scene. You guys. Did you know that Branson has paparazzi? AND THEY HANG OUT AT THE GROCERY STORE? To a multitasking mom like me, this sounds like a dream job. Wait, wait, wait: so you’re saying that while I photograph the power couple of Branson for the local gossip rag, I can pick out a roast for tomorrow night’s dinner AND get the best deal on toothpaste? I’m in. Get me my camera. That’s like a dream job. It’s like being paid to watch reality TV and write snarky blogs about it. Wait …

Back to the grocery store. Megan and Brandon spot the paparazzi and she points out that they could make up a story about the couple based on whatever aisle they go through. “We go through the baby aisle, suddenly we’re having a baby. You go through the liquor aisle, suddenly I’m an alcoholic.”

There’s a whole singing video confessional about how Megan wishes she could be a plain Jane (liar) and how frustrating it is for the two of them to be the subject of gossip and fame. This confessional is interspersed with shots of Megan and Brandon walking through the grocery store, with a broom in their cart. Hahahaha. The first thing I thought when I saw that broom was, “Maybe there will be rumors that she’s a witch!” The grocery store scene ends with the two of them posing for the photographer near the donuts.

Now for the blush. So much blush, you guys. So much drama, actually, accented and punctuated and whatever else-ated by blush. As mentioned earlier, it’s the 55^th anniversary for the Baldknobbers Jamboree, so to get the theater ready, the whole family is working on the outdoor landscaping. Megan shows up in this ridiculous outfit that makes me think there is NO way she wasn’t put up to this by a show’s producer, acting all dumb about mulch and dirt (“Do I just like, pat this stuff down, or what?”) and she is wearing so much makeup she looks like a Strawberry Shortcake doll.

Patty is understandably annoyed, because she knows Megan just showed up to look cute and not do real work. Brandon tries to convince Megan to go help his mom and she tells him she’s too hot, but finally acquiesces. She does go help Patty but (surprise!) doesn’t really help at all. Later in the show we see Brandon and Patty discussing how he wants Patty to lay off of Megan, and the second singing confessional involves Patty singing about how she’s being pushed out of Brandon’s life because of Megan, she prays he’ll find a different wife, etc. She tells Brandon that dealing with Megan is like talking to a brick wall and that the show can survive without her.

The only other notable part of tonight’s episode is that Inderjit, the wealthy investor, shows up to watch the show and that gets everyone all nervous. Brandon tells Tim and Denton that he needs them to put on the best show possible, they agree, he walks out of the room, and Tim puts in his fake teeth. Denton tells Tim he’s nervous about this whole thing, and Tim says, all hillbillied-up, “He’ll be a last resort, I guarantee ya that.” And I laugh and laugh and laugh, because that was just good timing.

Patty, too, is upset after she sees Inderjit in the audience, because she’s worried he’ll take over. We close the show with Denton telling his mom, who works at the confession stand, about his concerns and the possibility that he may just lay everything he owns on the line, to save the show.