The Bachelor Episode 2 recap: Kimberly returns (and gets the boot again)

Settling unfinished business, Kimberly, an episode one reject, barges back in to the nearly finished rose ceremony to plead her case for a second chance at love. Chris, the nice farm-boy that he is, decides to give the New York City yoga instructor another shot.

With another lady in the ring, the fight for Chris’ affection includes 23 women, all living next door to their potential husband. Episode two of The Bachelor could get weird. And it did.

Jade, Ashley I, Tandra, Mackenzie, Kimberly, and Tara go off on a country group date, and they race to the finish line on slow moving tractors. Chris adorably imitates the tractors, comparing them to old people walking down the street and snails, as the ladies slowly duke it out for alone time with Chris. Ashley I, a self-described “Kardashian,” finishes the race first, and shares a drink with Chris atop her victorious tractor.

Meanwhile, back at the house, Meagan and Jillian decide to sneak into Chris’ house and try on his helmet and sit on his motorcycle, which are both in his kitchen (is that normal??). Meagan finds that wearing the helmet is particularly amusing, and she rams her head into every solid object in the house. The girls squealed and promised each other not to tell anyone, but they both seemed to have forgotten that they were being filmed on national television and everyone in American would see them being idiots in Chris’ house.

Back on the first date, Chris returns with Ashley I and swaps her for Mackenzie, leaving the rest of the girls behind for a one-on-one date with Mackenzie.

Mackenzie, a nervous wreck, starts the date off on the most awkward note of the century. She decides that it is a good idea to tell Chris that his large nose, or “prominent” nose, is attractive to her and she has a tendency to go for guys with, um, distinct noses… ok. Chris thought that was super weird.

Mackenzie continues on this streak of oddness and discusses aliens, all before telling Chris that she has a son named Kale, who is like, REALLY cute. Mackenzie turns the date around and lights up while talking about her son. However, the big thing that happened was when Chris said, “I’m 33 and kids don’t scare me,” proving that he is ready for a huge commitment and everything that comes along with marriage. Go Chris!

With date number one under his belt, Chris embarks on his second date with Meagan a.k.a helmet girl, and he takes her on a cliché bachelor-style date in a helicopter. The duo lands in the Grand Canyon and has a picnic in a beautiful scenic spot.

Meagan, at first, seems to have been suffering from brain trauma due to the whole head-banging thing with the helmet, but she eventually opens up and shares her very personal journey with Chris. Meagan gets a point in my book for coming on the show after her father’s recent death and I admire her strength – just not her intelligence.

Date cad number three arrives at the house, and Kelsey, Trina, Alissa, Tracy, Jillian, Becca, Amber, Ashley S, Juelia, Kaitlyn, and Britt go on a spooky zombie-themed date. The date is actually super cool, and the girls work on teams to “kill” the zombies with paintball guns.

Ashley S, dubbed a crazy person by the other contestants, literally goes crazy, and gets way too into the game, asking if she can fire at the other girls. Ashley carries her insanity to the group date cocktail party and claims to be looking at angles in a candle. Remember, I’m talking about the same girl that searched for an onion in a pomegranate tree on the first episode.

Despite the possibility that Ashley S was on hard drugs, Chris continues to have a good time on his date, kissing just about everyone, and spending quality time with both Britt (love her), and Kaitlyn (slightly obnoxious). Chris gives the rose to Kaitlyn, and Chris’ mixed signals confuse Britt. But Britt needs to calm down, the guy is dating 23 women… this is not going to be a normal relationship.

Now, the cocktail party, where we learn that Ashley I is a “virgin,” and this our Prince Farming is bit of a player. Honestly, Ashley I is just as much a virgin as Jordan is sober… which is not at all. Ashley I lures Chris in for a strange make out session, beginning with a rub on her magic belly-button ring and ending with everyone in the house feeling tremendously uncomfortable. Chris can’t stop kissing the girls, all the girls, all the time, like very time he talks to one of them, he just can’t stop.

At the rose ceremony, Jillian, the muscle-woman, mistakenly confuses herself with Juelia and nerly wipes out on the carpet… hilarious.

Kimberly was kicked off for her second time (ouch!), Tara, Jordan, Tandra, and Alissa were sent home as well.

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Rick Rowell/ABC