The season finale didn’t disappoint — hooray!
The guys are at the Clam waiting for Cleveland to arrive and claim his beer, which is just sitting there looking lonelier than Alan Rickman’s answering machine (“Hello, Alan Rickman, this is Alan Rickman reminding you to move the pork chops from the freezer to the fridge so they defrost properly. Do not disappoint me. Remember that turtle joke for the party tomorrow. Ha ha.”). When Cleveland finally gets there, he brings his new friend, Madame Claude — a psychic! She tells everyone who they were in a past life: Joe was an octopus who got all his legs torn off by a shark, Quagmire was Jack the Ripper, and while Peter believes he was a strawberry, it turns out that he was Griffin Peterson, the true founder of Quahog.
Picture it: England. 1670. Or 1760. Whatever. Griffin Peterson has the day off because it’s Martin Luther Day, and he wants to propose to his girlfriend, Lady Redbush, since he’s the only guy in town not dying of diarrhea. Lady Redbush accepts his proposal and it looks like everything’s going great for everyone. Everyone except King Stewie the Turd (Third?). His court entertainers, the cast of How I Met Your Mother, fail to amuse him, so he decides to delete the program from his Tivo, which in those days means death by archers. Brian the jester comes in and puts Stewie in a better humour, and they go out for a drive. Stewie spots Lady Redbush walking with a tall glass of poop juice and instantly falls in love with her. He exiles Griffin Peterson, who is the happiest guy in the world because he’s got a girl and is 290 years away from the films of Kevin Smith, to the new world and claims Lady Redbush as his bride.
Once Griffin is out of the way, Stewie informs Lady Redbush, who is waiting at the altar, that her husband-to-be is dead. He marries her, and then smack-talks the pop-up FOX promo on the bottom of the screen.
Meanwhile, Griffin is on the ship of exiles bound for America with Joe, who was exiled for behaving lewdly after looking at an etching of the Wife of Bath, and Quagmire. They land and decide to found a colony for the whitest of white people, and call it Quahog.
Griffin eventually finds a new wife, but Lady Redbush and Stewie are having marital problems—Stewie wants an heir but won’t sleep with his wife. Brian tells Lady Redbush that her true love Griffin is still alive, in exile, and the two stow away on the next slave ship. Once Griffin is reunited with his lost love, he shoots his new wife and the two live happily together. Until six months later, when Stewie realizes his wife is gone and not just taking a class. Guess he’d better go get her.
He ransacks the peaceful town of Quahog with the help of his overspoken British soldier Chris, and when they eventually find Griffin and Lady Redbush there must of course be a duel. A talent duel. Stewie steals Brian’s observational humor bits, but Griffin and his friends steal the show with their Revenge of the Nerds song.
And that’s how Quahog was founded.
• Nice to see an Alan Rickman gag
• Peter’s imagined life as a strawberry: “Mr. Worm, I welcome your arrival because we are part of the same garden. OWW!!!!”
• The Monty Python-esque woman in church
• Shovin’ Buddies, Slowly Rotating Black Man and Crossarmed Opposites
We also got a promo of the new Cleveland spinoff, and it was pretty funny.