Darnell is getting ready for Career Day at Dodge’s school, the day in which the dads come in to talk about their jobs. Crab Man is all ready for his presentation on crabs, but Dodge wants to have his real dad there instead of his stepdad. The problem: Joy hasn’t told Dodge that Earl isn’t his real dad. Since Earl ruined Dodge’s 2005 Career Day (he stole some X-Ray equipment as posed as a doctor), he goes to school to talk about his career as Chief List Maker/List Doer. Some of Dodge’s classmates wonder why Dodge doesn’t spend weekends with Earl, which gets Earl wondering who really is Dodge’s father. Joy can’t seem to keep her stories straight: Was it the guy at the Ronnie James Dio concert or the guy selling nachos at the Molly Hatchet show? She finally admits that Little Chubby (Norm MacDonald), the son of the late Big Chubby (Burt Reynolds), is Dodge’s real dad.
Earl realizes that Dodge is the heir to the Chubby empire, and they need to hit Little Chubby up for the Chubby fortune. Little Chubby is none too receptive to the idea, so Earl hatches a plan to steal Little Chubby’s DNA for a paternity test. But it’s Crab Man who succeeds at it, using his circus, CIA and plumbing skills to steal some shorthairs from Little Chubby. To get Dodge’s DNA, Earl steals all four toothbrushes from Joy and Darnell’s house. (Yeah, probably could’ve been easier than that, but they needed some plot device.)
The tests come back, and it turns out that Little Chubby isn’t Dodge’s dad after all. The guy in the skeleton costume Joy had random drunk sex with at that Halloween party years ago wasn’t Little Chubby at all — it was Earl. But while the DNA tests reveal Earl as Dodge’s real dad, Crab Man discovers that he’s not the real father of Earl Jr. So who is?
What We Learned
Earl’s parenting is bullocks.
Chubby Tutorials are to SAT prep as Club Chubby is to … erections!
Sometimes a refrigerated meat locker comes in handy.
No two people’s boogers are exactly alike. They’re like snowflakes.
Wisdom From Randy: So, that ATM machine. What a jerk, huh?
Crab Man Chronicles: He’s the only reason you kids aren’t speaking Russian right now.