The American Idol Axe Takes Another Swing

Before we get started, I need to share this clip. Adam Lambert fans, you’re welcome:

Paula’s dressed like a corpse bride in a prom dress, complete with white satin gloves. I fast-forwarded through it, but for some reason Frankie Avalon is singing “Venus.” It just reminds me of a naughty joke version by Kevin Meany. The other song rhymes with Venus… Oh, Frankie is singing that song because it was released the year Simon was born.

The kids are ‘singing’ “Can’t Get You Outta My Head” by Kylie Minogue. I think they’re actually singing this one, ’cause Lil was not on it. Adam is way into it. Of course he is, it’s Kylie! They must be singing live, ’cause it’s all over not good. There’s fake sexual tension, crappy choreography. It’s pretty trainwrecktastic.

Our next piece of filler is behind the scenes making the latest Ford commercial. This time it’s a magic show. Adam has a green fake eyelash. He’s loving the drama of it all. Others are struggling with it a bit more. The commercial is to the song “Circus.” Don’t they know most circuses don’t have magic shows?

Let’s get to cutting. Starting with Adam, Kris and Anoop. The other judges finally get to give feedback to Adam. It’s nothing special. He worked it out dawg, and he’s safe. Duh. Kris is safe. Woah. Dial Idol got that one wrong. Anoop is in the bottom three.

Then we get to listen to the musical stylings of Flo Rida. It’s the song where he samples “You Spin Me Round (Like a Record)” by Dead or Alive.  It kinda fits, since that song was first released in 1985. He changes the lyric to something that I didn’t think I’d hear on American Idol. Some poor techies now have to clean up a crapload of confetti and streamers.

Back to chopping: Danny’s up next. He’s safe. Duh. Then it’s Matt. He’s safe after Ryan teases him mercilessly. Scott goes next and he is in the bottom 3. We’re down to the two girls — Allison and Lil. Allison is safe, and Lil is in the bottom 3. Kathy notes that the two brown people & the blind guy are in the bottom 3. Way to diversify, America!

I do not get paid enough to listen to Kellie Pickler sing. Or say the word ‘salmon.’ Or really, do anything. So I will not be commenting on her sparkly dress, her fierce desire to be Carrie Underwood, or her twang.

Ryan quickly sends Lil to safety, leaving Anoop and Scott. Only 30,000 votes separate the two contestants. Scott is the bottom contestant! Yes! Sorry, I don’t mean to be mean to the guy, but he’s the weakest singer in the bunch. It’s time for him to go. The judges seem to be seriously debating over keeping him. Or not, because the girls have gotten up & started dancing. To his credit, Scott goes for the big note that he’s just never going to hit.

The judges are split whether or not to use the save on Scott. I can’t believe they are seriously considering him. He’s not that strong, judges. The girls are blathering about the wrong song choice. For some reason, the judges’ save doesn’t have to be unanimous anymore because Simon has to be the baddie and tell Scott it’s the end of the road.

You did good, Scott & you’ll go on tour. Paula blathers about inspiration & how much the judges love him. Oh, come ON!

Well, Scott’s gone, so if you want to see the braille version of Vote For the Worst, you better get there soon.

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