by Ruth Anne Boulet
Hollywood week is about the meltdowns. Ah, the meltdowns. Folks who felt good about their abilities now completely break down in the presence of others who are just as confident about their abilities. And seeing Paula Abdul in bondage wear with the chains from her neck to her wrists.
Except for that Norman guy. I mean Nick. He’s the wild & crazy guy who can actually sing. And he actually makes it through to round two. All right, American Idol. I’m game. Let’s see where you take this one.
Bikini Girl is finally up. Man, I want to see her crash & burn in the worst way. Is that wrong? Does she really believe that Simon & Randy actually think she’s a decent singer? She makes it through to the second round. Why? I mean, was it worth it to put her through to the second round just to tweak Paula & Kara? Is it wrong that I wanted to smack the pout off her face? No. No, it’s not wrong. I’ve decided that fantasizing about her pout in the middle of a hockey fight is not wrong.
There’s an FBI Agent contestant? Where did she come from? She’s not put through to round two, but she doesn’t leave the stage without a fight. Her fight is way more respectful than the first guy. Was I not paying attention previously? I can’t imagine I would’ve missed the ‘oh, yeah, and I’m an FBI agent’ story.
Ooh, group day. Nothing like getting strangers to work together to make folks have a serious meltdown. Sweet. Pierced-face boy thinks it’s going to be easy. In your dreams, emo-boy.
Crazy, crazy Tatiana at first can’t find a group, and once she does find one, she takes it over. Well, she takes it over to talk the rest of her group’s ear off. I don’t see a lot of rehearsal; just a lot of talking. Talking about how important this audition is. Very important. Very, very important. Crying jag important. But not rehearsal important, apparently.
Other groups are grownups and actually do things like rehearse. American Idol doesn’t focus on them. They’re bad TV.
So back to Tatiana who has decided to go to another group (Team Compromise) and try to join them because her group is ‘throwing her under the bus.’ But then what seems like 5 minutes later she decides to give her group another chance. They’re going to be the best group they can be! (Insert psychotic laugh.) Nancy Wilson, or the girl with Aughra hair, is not happy about the addition, and sudden subtraction from the group. Team Compromise dissolves into angry Aughra, gay pierced-face boy meltdown and tired girl. That’s not a singing group. That’s group therapy. Except, folks get to leave therapy after an hour and from what I hear, get a cup of coffee.
Oh, and is anyone surprised that Katrina decides to go to bed early and seems to quit the show? Then, not surprised when she shows up at the last minute after not rehearsing at all. I hope that her showing up saying ‘you need to teach me what I missed’ was staged. ‘Cause if she was serious, she’s even dumber than previously thought. She’s that girl you get stuck with in school for group projects & she expects everyone else to carry her weight and you do because you don’t want to get a bad grade.
So auditions begin with Simon’s warning of ‘forget the words, and you’re out.’ Well, duh, folks. However, that rule takes out some of the folks that were highly touted early in the auditions. Emily, the girl who sang ‘Barracuda’ gets the boot. Along with these justified boots, we get the fun of people who think they’ve seen the evil side of Paula Abdul. Uh, huh.
This group episode features a lot of time of quick montages of singers. We get treats of really good groups and the really bad groups. We also get the treat of Kara telling Bikini Girl it’s time for her to go. Kara enjoys it. A lot. We lose hippie orphan girl in this group, too. With all her worry about how others would do in the group, she apparently didn’t work enough on her own memorization.
Other featured folks that get the boot are the high-school student president, the Osmond and the blond girl who the judges couldn’t believe didn’t have a recording contract.
Tatiana loves everyone. Jesus. Everyone who works on the show everywhere. Even the guy holding the sound stick. They’re all a part of Tatiana when she makes it through the group round.
Before we end, we need to see how Team Compromise winds up. They wind up badly, with the judges commenting on how noticeable it is that everyone hates each other. Aughra doesn’t make it through, but at least she notes that it’s her own fault. She let someone get the best of her.
Which really sums up the whole experience. If you let someone else affect you, you can’t do your best. Of course, we’ll forget that lesson in about 5 minutes. That’s the fun that is American Idol.
