Survivor: China: Week 7 Recap: Put Not Your Faith in False Idols

If I were to make up awards to hand out for this episode, I’d present the following:

Miss Uncongeniality: Courtney telling the camera, “I don’t feel like I really need to be anyone’s friend in this game. I dislike everyone else more than I dislike Todd and Amanda — I think they mistook that for friendship.” (She gets extra points for unnecessary use of air quotes while talking.)

Miss Re-Congeniality: Courtney cuddling with Frosti — another thing that calls into question her loyalties with the Fei Long tribe.

Most Important Discovery: James finding the immunity idol at the Zhan Hu camp, thereby giving him possession of both idols. When trying to dislodge the plaque from the overhang, he at first pulls off the wrong piece of wood (with no words on the non-decorative side) before prying off the one with the “Congratulations” message.

Most Amusing Discovery: Jaime noticing that the wooden sign over the archway is missing, and spotting James’ discarded piece of wood on the ground. She believes she may have found a hidden idol — while it doesn’t clearly say that’s what it is, she thinks it may have something immunityish written in Chinese on it.

Most Giddy: James, thinking that Jaime might have mistook the blank piece of wood for the immunity idol. “There’s no way they would’ve grabbed the wrong one, ’cause it would have to say ‘Immunity Something’ on it. The thought of this woman having a blank one — I would not be able to take it. I would pass out in pure joy — please let that happen. Please. That would be the best thing EVER.” Watching James get so giggly that he nearly falls over is one of the best things in this episode.

Most Perplexing Conclusion: Jaime believing that she confirmed that the piece of wood she found is an immunity idol, since her search through James’ bag revealed that he had two of them. Exactly how many idols did Jaime think were hidden?

Most Perplexing Conclusion, Runner-Up: Peih-Gee and the other Zhan Huians thinking they could possibly trust James to be on their side after the merge. Let’s see … Zhan Hu threw a challenge to get rid of James’ tribemate … James has the numbers if he sticks with the Fei Long tribe … and he did grunt “Mmm-hmm” when Peih-Gee asked him, “We’re still cool, right?” Yup. That sounds rock-solid to me.

Biggest Killjoy: Jeff Probst, who tells the Survivors that they’re merging into one tribe and will celebrate with a feast and celebration, and then, amid their elated squeals, issues the warning: “Keep in mind: This. Game. Ne-ver. Stops.” Even my blood ran cold for a second.

Best Rejected Name of the Merged Tribe: Angry Monkeys. The tribe eventually decides on “Black Fighting Wind” (the Chinese words for that) — the reason for “Black” was their tribe’s black buffs (and not, to follow Jean-Robert’s thinking, James, the tribe’s buff black), and the weather they’ve endured inspired “Fighting Wind” (which to me sounds like a polite way to say you’re trying hard not to fart).

Most Obvious “Psych!” Foreshadowing: Frosti’s comment before the immunity challenge (which quizzed the contestants about details from the feast and celebration they attended): “I’m so screwed — I have a horrible memory.” So, of course, he wins the challenge.

Best Secret-Keeper: Frosti. When Jaime tells him about the immunity idol she thinks she has, he doesn’t mention that he’s already seen what a real hidden immunity idol looks like. Oh, that Frosti — he’s smooth … cool … frosty.

Best New Name for the Hidden Immunity Idol: James tells Amanda that a member of Zhan Hu found the blank board and thinks “it’s a, an immunization thing.”

Best Use of a Quote to Make Someone Look Stupid: After Jaime tells Todd that she knows who has the hidden immunity idols — not realizing that not only is she wrong, but also that Todd is several steps ahead of her — she confidently tells the camera, “I’ve come to realize that I’m very good at playing stupid.” I bet that after things played out, she thought, “Dang. They’re going to use that quote, aren’t they?”

Biggest Burn, Figurative: Probst informing Jaime that the piece of wood she presented after the vote at Tribal Council was, in fact, not a hidden immunity idol.

Biggest Burn, Literal: Probst assuming a godlike role and casting the false idol into the lake of fire.

Most Logical Conclusion: Despite some rumblings during the show that Courtney may vote against Jean-Robert, or that Jean-Robert may cast his vote against Peih-Gee instead of against Jaime (actually, I think he was partly saying that to mess with James), Jaime’s the one voted out, her non-idol still crackling in the fire as the flame on her torch is snuffed out.