Bad Study Habits

The first week back to school is always tough, trying to get back into that whole studying routine. So it’s probably no surprise that it’s also been sort of tough on some of the contestants on FOX’s Are You Smarter Than a 5th Grader?, which aired its second show of the season last night. What is surprising, though, are the questions that these adults — who should have at least picked up a lot of this knowledge through osmosis simply by living as long as they have — are missing.

Granted, I got into my seat about 20 minutes after the tardy bell last night, so I’ll have to borrow your notes to see if any major wins took place. I picked up with contestant Monica struggling over the following “brainteaser”:

Charles Lindbergh flew the first nonstop trans-Atlantic flight from New York to what city?

Now, you and I both know that the answer is “Paris” (right?). This is, or should be, a fairly well-known historical fact. But Monica was stumped. So she decided to use her option to “peek” at student Jacob’s answer. Well, he had written “San Francisco.” At this point I had some hope for Monica, because by her expression, she obviously knew this was incorrect. So I was assuming she at least knew what “trans-Atlantic” meant, and from that clue could venture a guess even if she didn’t know the exact city. Maybe guess London? Rome? Something that is actually “trans-Atlantic”?

After a little thought, however, she shouted out, “Boston!” A second of silence … then she raised her hands and shouted “Woo-hoo!” as if trying to will the answer into correctness, with the audience awkwardly following her lead. Before crushing Monica’s hopes, teacher Jeff Foxworthy consulted the other students’ answers. Surprisingly, none of them had the correct answer, either. The four answers included two “Washingtons,” one “Pennsylvania” and one “?” (Two of the answers written out were also badly misspelled on top of it all. Sorry, kids — I just had to point out that I actually am smarter than a 5th grader, so any problems, let’s meet out by the monkey bars.)

Anyway, Monica finds out that she’s dumb, and goes home with no money. A little later on, I tuned back in to see contestant Tom show up. Right away he showed himself as being rather unlikable, and way too hyper and cocky — unjustifiably so, as he was soon to find out.

The very first question Tom was faced with was a multiple choice one:
Egyptian Pharaoh Tutankhamen lived approximately when?
A. 1400 A.D.
B. 1400 B.C.
C. 500 A.D.

Tom had this one right away, he just knew it! He didn’t even have to ask my man Kyle, who has saved plenty of contestants on the show already. “It’s definitely not B.C.,” he confidently exclaimed, showing off to the nation that not only has he never read a basic history book or watched The History Channel, but he’s never even heard Steve Martin’s “King Tut” song. “It’s got to be A or C!” This would have been as uncomfortable as watching a spider struggle for its life in a flushing toilet, had Tom not already proven himself to be a jackass. To make things even more satisfying, the producers devised this wonderfully ironic time to flash up the fun fact that Tom had received a scholarship to the University of Wisconsin.

Tom eventually locked in on answer A, 1400 A.D., ready to move on! Sorry, Tom. But Kyle had the correct answer, of course, and was able to save Tom’s ass, and didn’t even get a high five out of it.

Tom eventually left with $50,000, and as the capper to all this, his wife joined him on stage and made the chilling announcement that this doofus has passed along his genes — yes, his wife is pregnant.

I guess there are stupider people bringing home more money than that doing other things, but it’s still amazing that both of these adults — and several of the kids — struggled on two history questions. The kids on the show are amazing with math and science, but is history being taught any more? What other subjects are lacking? And will another generation be growing up with many of its members having to say, “I am not smarter than a 5th grader?”